My dog is a stoner
I mean it. It's ok I mean he is under the strict medical care of some woman who lives in Florida.
what?
Yup.
So at the place where he goes to do training (really we go there and they teach us how not to fuck up the dog, but they cleverly disguise it as the "dog" learning shit. Unfortunately I can tell by my classmates that it mostly doesn't work.)
Anyway.
We go there. We like it. Dog likes it. They recently suggested herbs. What? These if I jump to the end are little green pills. Well the pills are clear but they contain plant parts... see what I'm getting at here? They came in a padded mailer...
But I'm so ahead of myself. He had to go to get tested. I'm embarassed. This is 2nd hand because if I had been there it would be a. first hand and b. I would have come uncorked and lately I've kept my cork in place pretty well...
One person put a hand on the dog. They then proceeded to hold their hand our with their arm horizontal. Then they let the dog "sniff" the herbs. When the person's arm came down (and they didn't know which herb it was) then timber tested positive. what? I know this is so not cool, but if you met my dog you understand our willingness to piss on a hot spark plug to get him to calm down.
So he miraculasly tested positive for all the calming herbs. Why the fuck didn't they just try the herbs that calm? What herb calms? How do they know it calms? WTF?
Ok i'm coming uncorked now. So the dog is eating these pills with cheese. He's under the strict care of some lady in Florida and someone else's arm that got tired at appropriate (?!?) times.
Tammy is as skeptical as I am but she keeps saying (and I nod at her) that if it works we'll do it.
It could be placebo we think he's getting calmer so we act calmer around him and he gets calmer. It could be confounding variables where he's getting older and thus calmer (he is at at that time of his pup doggy life). Many people have already seen him and suggested he's much calmer than when he was 1. (G for one and Jon). So this is loaded with logical fallacies, but if my dog is calmer than before then I'll keep pissing on the spark plug...
So far the results are that he's getting calmer. See the falacies above. It might be working too much I had him out to play and he got tired pretty damn fast.
I might need to cut his placebo in 1/2, but first I'll have to consult with some nameless faceless lady in florida or her proxy arm.... BAH
what?
Yup.
So at the place where he goes to do training (really we go there and they teach us how not to fuck up the dog, but they cleverly disguise it as the "dog" learning shit. Unfortunately I can tell by my classmates that it mostly doesn't work.)
Anyway.
We go there. We like it. Dog likes it. They recently suggested herbs. What? These if I jump to the end are little green pills. Well the pills are clear but they contain plant parts... see what I'm getting at here? They came in a padded mailer...
But I'm so ahead of myself. He had to go to get tested. I'm embarassed. This is 2nd hand because if I had been there it would be a. first hand and b. I would have come uncorked and lately I've kept my cork in place pretty well...
One person put a hand on the dog. They then proceeded to hold their hand our with their arm horizontal. Then they let the dog "sniff" the herbs. When the person's arm came down (and they didn't know which herb it was) then timber tested positive. what? I know this is so not cool, but if you met my dog you understand our willingness to piss on a hot spark plug to get him to calm down.
So he miraculasly tested positive for all the calming herbs. Why the fuck didn't they just try the herbs that calm? What herb calms? How do they know it calms? WTF?
Ok i'm coming uncorked now. So the dog is eating these pills with cheese. He's under the strict care of some lady in Florida and someone else's arm that got tired at appropriate (?!?) times.
Tammy is as skeptical as I am but she keeps saying (and I nod at her) that if it works we'll do it.
It could be placebo we think he's getting calmer so we act calmer around him and he gets calmer. It could be confounding variables where he's getting older and thus calmer (he is at at that time of his pup doggy life). Many people have already seen him and suggested he's much calmer than when he was 1. (G for one and Jon). So this is loaded with logical fallacies, but if my dog is calmer than before then I'll keep pissing on the spark plug...
So far the results are that he's getting calmer. See the falacies above. It might be working too much I had him out to play and he got tired pretty damn fast.
I might need to cut his placebo in 1/2, but first I'll have to consult with some nameless faceless lady in florida or her proxy arm.... BAH
posted by J.R. at 4:12 PM
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