Flame on
No no I'm not flaming anybody... so sorry to dissapoint.
but if I were going to flame someone it would likely be the bus driver who for a short time parked her bus in such a way to trap my car in like an ant. Ok it's a beetle, but still you get the point. I've never felt closterphobic before and there was just an hint of hey if I wanted to get out of here I couldn't. Then she finished filling out her (we need profanity for a real flame) fucking paper work and then took her own sweet time moving that giant piece of shit bus out of my fucking way and letting me breathe easy again... but there is not a need to flame her, because it wasn't all that bad and it lasted all of like a minute twenty while she sat there and she was getting out of someone else's way... but alas another digression...
It came up in conversation that people like to be far away when they flame someone. I know you're thinking what idiot threw that into a conversation? well me of course. That lead me to flame throwers...
Flame throwers do just that they throw flame away from the user and at the we'll say "target" so as to deter them from killing our user in most cases. (for the uber geeks out there: I wonder what the UML diagrams are for a flame thrower)
Anyway think of the marketing to get the soldiers to use this thing. They started off with:
Sgt: Try out this Power Flame Stick.
Pvt: fuck you, i'll get burned. (ok likely not with the whole sgt pvt relationship but bear with me)
Sgt: no this is really cool it has all this fuel on your back
pvt: ya?
Sgt: Then you push this button here. I won't do it because it'll kill us all in here.
pvt: wait a sec what? If you pushed that button we'd all die?
sgt: well ya it's an "outdoor" toy... er... weapon
pvt: fuck you again sarge.
sgt: ok well it's really misnamed... it's a flame tosser
pvt: nope fuck off i'll stick to my rifle
sgt: well it's really a flame pusher
pvt: no sale
sgt: ok private let's just say this thing throws flame so far when you push this
button right here it'll fucking take out the enemy headquarters
pvt: now you're talking... flame... THROWER... ya I like the sound of that...
sgt: another satisfied customer...
It's all in the marketing... I guess that's why the "flame handbuzzer" never took off... Marketing.
but if I were going to flame someone it would likely be the bus driver who for a short time parked her bus in such a way to trap my car in like an ant. Ok it's a beetle, but still you get the point. I've never felt closterphobic before and there was just an hint of hey if I wanted to get out of here I couldn't. Then she finished filling out her (we need profanity for a real flame) fucking paper work and then took her own sweet time moving that giant piece of shit bus out of my fucking way and letting me breathe easy again... but there is not a need to flame her, because it wasn't all that bad and it lasted all of like a minute twenty while she sat there and she was getting out of someone else's way... but alas another digression...
It came up in conversation that people like to be far away when they flame someone. I know you're thinking what idiot threw that into a conversation? well me of course. That lead me to flame throwers...
Flame throwers do just that they throw flame away from the user and at the we'll say "target" so as to deter them from killing our user in most cases. (for the uber geeks out there: I wonder what the UML diagrams are for a flame thrower)
Anyway think of the marketing to get the soldiers to use this thing. They started off with:
Sgt: Try out this Power Flame Stick.
Pvt: fuck you, i'll get burned. (ok likely not with the whole sgt pvt relationship but bear with me)
Sgt: no this is really cool it has all this fuel on your back
pvt: ya?
Sgt: Then you push this button here. I won't do it because it'll kill us all in here.
pvt: wait a sec what? If you pushed that button we'd all die?
sgt: well ya it's an "outdoor" toy... er... weapon
pvt: fuck you again sarge.
sgt: ok well it's really misnamed... it's a flame tosser
pvt: nope fuck off i'll stick to my rifle
sgt: well it's really a flame pusher
pvt: no sale
sgt: ok private let's just say this thing throws flame so far when you push this
button right here it'll fucking take out the enemy headquarters
pvt: now you're talking... flame... THROWER... ya I like the sound of that...
sgt: another satisfied customer...
It's all in the marketing... I guess that's why the "flame handbuzzer" never took off... Marketing.
posted by J.R. at 1:05 PM
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