What are we teaching these kids?

So I was riding the shuttle yesterday and I saw all the trees in bloom and I could smell spring in the air. It actually just smells like congestion but I'm such an idiot I won't take my allergy pills, but I'm already off on a tangent.

I got to thinking about pollen, because riding on a shuttle is like a really long elevator ride with arguably more danger and it doesn't really go vertical, at least you hope so. We all ride kinda quiet so you get time to think about how trees reproduce.

Then I thought about the birds and the bees. Who came up with that phrase? I think it should say, "Rather than teach my kids about reproduction, I will confuse them." How is this confusing?

Birds don't reproduce (for saving of typing and your reading from here on out I will refer to reproducing with the simple abbreviation: "fuck") Well birds lay eggs, we don't. They feed their young by puking usually. We ... don't. Don't get me wrong we do equally strange stuff. Mammals. Boo yah.

Bees don't fuck like us. I don't even know how they fuck so I guess I don't know about the birds and the bees.

How does this have anything to do with trees? Because I don't know how bees fuck (something about a queen and a drone, but I thought that was capital hill, or is it capital hive? I dunno) all my life I thought they meant how bees move pollen from tree to tree. We sure as shit don't fuck like trees.

So the bees help the trees. I thought that was what they meant by the bees half of the birds and the bees. I know we don't fuck like trees. I certainly don't want a bee even in the house let alone in the room. OK that was gross and dangerous. But whatever.

Why don't we teach kids about the Dolphins and the Sperm whales? I mean you'd have one of the harder words out of the way with the whole sperm whale, right? They do fuck like us. They do feed their young like us. Wouldn't this be less confusing?

So I'm on the shuttle thinking about all this pollen. Trees are fucking easy. They pollute the air with their "pollen" and they let insects carry it about. Hell they even pay the bees to carry it. Nectar... What's that all about? So that makes bees ... well... workers... and when we take the honey and put it on a scone (I love scone, you might put your honey on a biscuit but I really like a good scone... Unless it has country ham then it has to be a biscuit. ah scones... I'm hungry) when we take the honey we're pimps. Don't give me any shit, just give me the honey... Bee.

so maybe there is a lot of good material in the bee end of things....