Political posts
I've seen a lot of blog stuff on the election results. Some were happy, most were not. I'm not going to go into it because other's have covered it pretty well.
What do I have to talk about? (I realize you didn't ask, but I'm telling you anyways.) The media.
OK so I get 1.5 channels as Deonn has pointed out many times after she's watched the kids when we've gone out. So our choices for election coverage were channel 7 which is, I think since I don't watch TV at all, CBS.
Mr. Dan Rather.
So I recall when the Florida debacle was going on the man got overly tired and actually said (and as Dave Berry says, "no I'm not making this up"), "If a frog had pockets, he'd carry a hand gun!" Excuse me? He said that and many other nuggets while Gore conceeded and then unconceeded.
OK that was 2000. If I had to do Mr. Rather's performance review that year, that would have been an action item. "No matter how tired you are, do not say stupid shit on live TV."
Easy right?
So 2004 rolls around and who do I see on my 1 channel (We live in a valley, ok? We don't have cable.) But Mr. Rather again. Now I have to say I would have said to him before this year... You know Dan the organization is looking to make a change this election. We think someone who can handle his coffee is going to handle it this year. K? Thanks, I knew you'd be a trooper on this one.
Nope. There he was again.
What was he covering? Election 2004? Nope. Campaign 2004. What? Are the news people stupid? oh wait, did I say that? duh.
Campaign is the process before the election where you try to get people to decide to punch your button/pop your chad/draw your line/absentee your name. Not the act of doing it. Thats the election. So class, were they covering the campaign at that point? NO. I realize it's a small aside to frogs with handguns, but I just couldn't resist.
OK so it's 9:00pm our time (thats Midnight for Mr. Rather) and at a camera cut we hear someone saying something about we need more coffee. I wonder if that person would have said, "Hey we need some more fucking coffee hgere or Rather is going to pass out." I wonder if the FCC fine would be the same as a "wardrobe malfunction" on national TV. Probly not. A nipple is way more of a problem that fucking coffee.
So midnight for the man and he's showing This number and that and going through each state. Like we can't read the graph. There is all this high tech shit going on. Some idiot keeps writing on the graphs of polls taken yesterday about who trusts who to fuck whom while our backs are turned looking at wafflers. By the way the man is either an idiot savant (or just an idiot) with finger writing or they did it before and he just finger-synced a la Miss Simpson the words onto the graph. You decide.
All this high tech shit going on and Dan (by now I stopped calling him Mr. Rather as I felt having watched him for an hour we should be on a first name basis) Dan was really needing to explain that Bush had the south and the central line of states in the middle of the USA. He used a pencil. He got a pencil out and was point at this state and the other. The other guy is finger writing the great american novel feeling like a certain Mr. Madden (I'll never be on a first name basis with that guy). My man Dan is point at Texas and reminding us, that the president is from Texas. He's pointing with a pencil... how quaint. No motion graphics. No pixelshaded semi-clear windows... nope just a good old #2.
I can just see him going off on the producers as they try to teach him to touch the screen and move shit around. "God dammit, I'm old school we didn't even have color when I started this. You were still shitting in your cloth diaper when I was calling elections back in the day you can take your motion graphics and shove them right... oh and we're back. President Bush has a serious lead in the south, but the big ass state of California has yet to come in..." (I did make that up.)
Then I'm thinking well Dan you're doing OK. You've got your pencil. You've got your results. You even have hot blondes all over the country calling in "the feeling outside the polls", You're doing ok.
Then he says it.
He gets finished with all the current states and the states where the Polls haven't closed yet and he's got some time to fill. You can imagine a director doing the "stretch time" motion at him. He says in a matter of fact kinda way, "Yes the states are humming along like Ray Charles!"
Tammy and I both go "whuuut?"
I repeated what he said. Damn, I wish I had a tivo I would have rolled it back and checked, but with 1.5 channels it just doesn't seem important.
Tammy goes, "Isn't Ray Charles dead?"
To which I reply so defty, "Yup."
She then points out, "Well he's not humming at all then."
So at that point if I were writing Mr. Rather's performance rewview... I don't think it would go that well... But then again I'm not a frog, and while I do have pockets, I'm not carrying a hand gun.
What do I have to talk about? (I realize you didn't ask, but I'm telling you anyways.) The media.
OK so I get 1.5 channels as Deonn has pointed out many times after she's watched the kids when we've gone out. So our choices for election coverage were channel 7 which is, I think since I don't watch TV at all, CBS.
Mr. Dan Rather.
So I recall when the Florida debacle was going on the man got overly tired and actually said (and as Dave Berry says, "no I'm not making this up"), "If a frog had pockets, he'd carry a hand gun!" Excuse me? He said that and many other nuggets while Gore conceeded and then unconceeded.
OK that was 2000. If I had to do Mr. Rather's performance review that year, that would have been an action item. "No matter how tired you are, do not say stupid shit on live TV."
Easy right?
So 2004 rolls around and who do I see on my 1 channel (We live in a valley, ok? We don't have cable.) But Mr. Rather again. Now I have to say I would have said to him before this year... You know Dan the organization is looking to make a change this election. We think someone who can handle his coffee is going to handle it this year. K? Thanks, I knew you'd be a trooper on this one.
Nope. There he was again.
What was he covering? Election 2004? Nope. Campaign 2004. What? Are the news people stupid? oh wait, did I say that? duh.
Campaign is the process before the election where you try to get people to decide to punch your button/pop your chad/draw your line/absentee your name. Not the act of doing it. Thats the election. So class, were they covering the campaign at that point? NO. I realize it's a small aside to frogs with handguns, but I just couldn't resist.
OK so it's 9:00pm our time (thats Midnight for Mr. Rather) and at a camera cut we hear someone saying something about we need more coffee. I wonder if that person would have said, "Hey we need some more fucking coffee hgere or Rather is going to pass out." I wonder if the FCC fine would be the same as a "wardrobe malfunction" on national TV. Probly not. A nipple is way more of a problem that fucking coffee.
So midnight for the man and he's showing This number and that and going through each state. Like we can't read the graph. There is all this high tech shit going on. Some idiot keeps writing on the graphs of polls taken yesterday about who trusts who to fuck whom while our backs are turned looking at wafflers. By the way the man is either an idiot savant (or just an idiot) with finger writing or they did it before and he just finger-synced a la Miss Simpson the words onto the graph. You decide.
All this high tech shit going on and Dan (by now I stopped calling him Mr. Rather as I felt having watched him for an hour we should be on a first name basis) Dan was really needing to explain that Bush had the south and the central line of states in the middle of the USA. He used a pencil. He got a pencil out and was point at this state and the other. The other guy is finger writing the great american novel feeling like a certain Mr. Madden (I'll never be on a first name basis with that guy). My man Dan is point at Texas and reminding us, that the president is from Texas. He's pointing with a pencil... how quaint. No motion graphics. No pixelshaded semi-clear windows... nope just a good old #2.
I can just see him going off on the producers as they try to teach him to touch the screen and move shit around. "God dammit, I'm old school we didn't even have color when I started this. You were still shitting in your cloth diaper when I was calling elections back in the day you can take your motion graphics and shove them right... oh and we're back. President Bush has a serious lead in the south, but the big ass state of California has yet to come in..." (I did make that up.)
Then I'm thinking well Dan you're doing OK. You've got your pencil. You've got your results. You even have hot blondes all over the country calling in "the feeling outside the polls", You're doing ok.
Then he says it.
He gets finished with all the current states and the states where the Polls haven't closed yet and he's got some time to fill. You can imagine a director doing the "stretch time" motion at him. He says in a matter of fact kinda way, "Yes the states are humming along like Ray Charles!"
Tammy and I both go "whuuut?"
I repeated what he said. Damn, I wish I had a tivo I would have rolled it back and checked, but with 1.5 channels it just doesn't seem important.
Tammy goes, "Isn't Ray Charles dead?"
To which I reply so defty, "Yup."
She then points out, "Well he's not humming at all then."
So at that point if I were writing Mr. Rather's performance rewview... I don't think it would go that well... But then again I'm not a frog, and while I do have pockets, I'm not carrying a hand gun.
posted by J.R. at 8:05 AM
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