Lost again in translation

I just watched it again on DVD...

It is right now my favorite movie. I really love it. It's so unamerican and so good.

The camera... the acting... so so good...

so good

dare i say: nutty good?

I do

Nutty good

Back fire

I asked someone (a famous blogger chick) what their favorite blog posts were (for their blog) and they posted them, so I have as well:

For funny this one comes to mind.

For not funny this one jumps to mind but there are more.

Pool Hall Dental Tips

I shot pool with Jon the other night... last friday in fact. We had fun. It was a place called Jillian's down town. I enjoy it there mostly, it was quite a bit smokier than usual that night, but I was ok.

We shot mostly 8 ball and we had dinner. My dinner was a burger that I'm not sure based on the color of the light in the place might have been a raw mad cow piece of meat, but whatever, I have an immune system.

So it's key that I ate... if I eat... (see braces below) what must happen? I mean the apple beaned newton on the head... if it goes up... it must come down... if I eat... i fucking BRUSH...

I'm in a pool hall...I eat raw meat... I brush...

So I walk into the bathroom with just about a whole rump roast worth of dead cow in my teeth... oh I like that I'm a carnivore... grrrr... anyways... sorry... dude who is like 26 or so is at the urinal...

Quick quiz: Do I speak to him? NO. Does he speak to me? NO... it's a fucking urinal... keep your eyes forward and don't talk, it's just polite... sorry it was an aside.

I'm at the sink trying to dislodge elsie the cow from my brackets and he comes up to wash his hands and he has some serious 3 color art going on up his arm and he's wearing a wife beater shirt... and I'm brushing my teeth... He gives me a look very a kin to "What the fuck are you doing brushing your teeth in this here fucking pool hall?" I smile and show him the braces and say... "I just fucking got them and they hurt like a mutherfucker" (I was blending) he immediately takes a different stance and says:

"I had mine for 3 and half years and you really have to keep brushing, it's the only way" (This is a direct quote, i'm not making this up) He then gave me some tips on getting the food from the back most braces and I told him about the proxy brush. He finished washing his hands and told me I was doing great and just keep up the good work... then he left... you just can't make this stuff up...

Another guy walked in and gave me a similar look and then proceeded to the urinal... I was done and he was... well at the urinal... so I just walked out... who knows what that fucker thought. But he was at the urinal so did I talk to him? NO... Did I show him my braces... um

NO

when Greenspan speaks...

He says cut social secuity. Then fucking cut it. I know I know I'm not going to get any. So what? I knew that when I was 22. Cut it for youngangs like me. Take my future benifit. I'll gladly trade you a reasonable economy today for no checks that will be nothing anyway against the cost of living by then.

Hell I'll street perform if I have to when I'm old. I've always wanted to and never had the testicals to do it...

I got from Greenspan to testical in a few short lines... wow... course if you think about it he's more powerful than the president, so it must take balls.

Yet another braces injury

I think it was just a cruel joke amongst orthodonists and their employees to tell the new wearer of braces it's actually "ok" to eat popcorn...

I ate very little last night. Very little popcorn.

I spent a lot of time digging it all out. (I know I know gross)

and while I was digging it out I actually cut my finger on my wire... no wonder my cheeks feel like that... I mean man... It tricked me too that crazy wire. It sounded like a piece of popcorn wedged in there some how where I could click it but not quite clear it... and I went for it... and I went "OW"...I have yet another injured digit. But this one isn't enough to justify a photo... nay... not gross enough.

oh man why didn't I do this 20 years ago? oh ya it wasn't a problem back then... damn.

oh that also reminds me that on Friday when Jon and I went to play pool at Jillian's I got carded. Since I don't drink this usually doens't come up. He got carded too, maybe they just card everybody. Or maybe they card everybody who has braces.. Dunno. Maybe they have a mystic formula about carding the nth person with braces and glasses who is with someone who doesn't have braces but does have glasses.

no idea. I should ask the guy next time. I'm sure he'll love that... so why did you card me? oh look a tangent... i'm home at last.

discover.com non starter

What a lame headline:

Stress Seems to Block Deep Sleep

You think?

They could have just asked me...

Braces update

Man they hurt.

But I can eat twinkies so I am one with the universe...

So soft ... so... artificial...

I need to figure out a substrate I can put EZ cheese on...

Isn't it all about the puck?

So we went and saw the Everett Silver Tips play against the Vancouver Giants last night. Now I'm the first to admit that I don't get sports. I mean I don't watch it on TV, but I don't mind going to various things because I enjoy the experience. This was the second time we went and coincidentally last time was the same team.

The first time we just creamed them 3-0. Whenever our guys would pass the puck somewhere there was always a stick right there and it just moved on up the ice. They did break their sticks quite a lot. When they broke them... someone would just give them a new just like... here ya go... There was some fighting but not much.

Last night was a touch different... They had a lot of trouble passing and they only scored one goal. Sam is down with that because she hates the crowd noise when they score. They just couldn't hold onto the puck last night... but thats not what this is about.

They started fighting at the end. OK I know it's hockey they fight. So what right?

Again not my point.

With like 45 seconds left they dropped the puck and one of our guys just threw off his helmet. One of their guys responded in a like fasion. They then began to start hitting each other. Did one of them call the other some name? We couldn't figure out whey they wanted to fight right then. Also if you have a helmet on and you are going to fight... do you take off the helmet? no... you keep that fucker on. because the other guy is going to try and hit you in the head which is what they were doing. Hitting each other in the head. They took their gloves off too, that I get... You don't want to hit them in the head with something soft. So use your knuckles... oh ya you had a STICK in your hand a minute ago but you drop that (that's ok don't fight with the sticks, but I've seen them do that too). The refs are great during a fight they just stand there and keep the other players away while these two try and kick the shit out of each other. I guess thats containment. I will say the one time two of them fell on the ice fight the two refs jumped right on top of them. They just stand there. I guess their insurance doesn't cover them for breaking up fights... it is only a farm team. so that's part of my point but not my main point.

The crowd cheered, on the last fight. They were yelling like there was a goal scored. Is the deal they fight because they lost? Well we didn't manage to score much but hey we can kick the shit out of the other team. Or rather provoke them into kicking the shit out of us. The cheering crowd just puzzeled me. Also seemed rather pointless to kick their best player's ass right then... seems a little late. Kick his ass BEFORE he scores the goals. 4-1 the damage is done.

I guess I just don't get it.

ok so i'm dumber than all that...

I left the stupid watch at work... so spamming it now... will be... slightly... ineffective...

sorry.

If you've paged it... well thanks, and I'll get it... at some point.

you too can spam my watch...

If you have MSN IM and you know my MSN logon... you too can spam my watch.

Messages will appear on my wrist when I'm wearing this... um... large... um... hideous... er... rather large... watch... disclaimer... I didn't pay for it.

I'd like some really creative stuff... such as the one Deonn and I sent to G. "Candy corn makes me sleepy."

Just add me to you msn IM list and spam away. It has a choice to send shit to my watch or my mobile device... thats my phone... that costs me money... watch is free as far as I know... so If you spam the watch... then ya! Spam the phone then I will be forced to block you... I can do it you know.

Also be aware your spam will not be anonymous... and since I'm asking for it (literally) it's not spam, but we're splitting hairs now. Well I am. so maybe it's stalking... not spamming... anyways here it is:

jhughson@hotmail.com

oh don't try and send mail to that address... i won't get it. I don't check it and it won't accept it unless you are in my hotmail address book and guess what? you're not in it. Nobody is...

My real email is over there... on the side of the blog... where it's always been...

if I get a really funny message to my watch i'll post it.

if I don't get any funny spam (stalking spam is stam?) stam then... well I won't post it... and this post is a waste of characters... go back to your life... you're wasting your time... stop reading this... no really...

doh.

dog fine...

It wasn't kennel cough... he stopped coughing... i know this is boring, but I actually got mail from people concerned with my nutty dog's health.

I should post a picture of him...

Stoner Dog update

He has kennel cough... no more drugs... We're calling the vet tomorrow.

Learning to smile

So I think braces are changing my habits for the better. A quick example is that I used to chew my shirts when I was deep in thought. Which isn't very often, but it comes up occasionally when I work. If you chew your shirt with braces you get hooked and the shirt pulls on your teeth. Hard. You stop rather quickly. I haven't done it in days.

They say 21 days forms a habit... I have at least 20 months to break that one...

So my smirk is gone too. If you know me I don't really smile. I smirk. It's not something I like, but if you say to me smile. I don't really know what to do. I mean do I show teeth? WTF? When the orthdontist told me to smile so she could measure how much teeth I show when I smile I gave her the fake one. I mean I wasn't going to get a 0. a ZEERO... no. So I smiled. She measured and called it off with other lovely measurments such as my eclusal plane angle (which for the record is almost 0. Zero is good in that case... everything is relative...

So now I have bracets on each upper tooth and wire connecting them. I can't smirk. I have a boolean smile now. On or off. So I can choose. Either you get the full mouth, braces and all, or nothing. Nada. I can't just move the corners. Why you ask? because I'll tell you: IT FUCKING HURTS.

So when I smile it's the whole enchalada (and If I've had Mexican food and have not yet had a chance to brush, that is exactly what you'll see the whole enchilada. Gross, but true.)

So I will smile... see?



I know. They are red white and blue. I did that because the kids chose the colors that time. They went for a president's day theme.

I know they are not symmetric. You can either alternate the colors or make them symmetric... not both.

say cheese...

Lost in Translation

So my friend brenner reccomended the movie to us and we went last night.

It was great.

I mean it made me want to travel (yet not out of the country) but to a weird enough place that it would be weird.

Vegas...

I think Tammy has finally caved on flying to Vegas without the kids.

don't... ever...

get a cold right after you get braces... sucks...

very much.

mouth hurts, nose hurts...

I'll spare you the details.

Straight Talk

Not tough love
Not stay off of drugs

No no...

Straight teeth… oh man I'm tired. My mouth is tired and tied. It's got metal in it and elastic.

As some of you may know (as Max is quick to point it out to anyone who'll listen) I have a baby tooth, but it's not long for this world. 2 years tops it's gone. Today it grew, but I'm getting ahead of myself (as usual)

The baby tooth is huge. This seems counter intuitive baby tooth big? Um ya. The space it has going on is 17mm wide and it needs to be 9mm wide for me to get a fake tooth put in made with titanium! I love the idea of having titanium in my mouth. So much so I'm going to let some guy who went to school a very long time to get the word "oral" in his job title ( you've got to respect that in a sorta dirty kinda way ) let this guy (or girl) drill a hole in my bone and put a pin in there and let it become part of the bone. Then they will crown it. I like to think of that as getting to the north end of the checker board and getting kinged. As in "King Me". I mean I'll have 2 crowns then. Seems a little over the top to have two but very regal none the less.

They should have given me vicadan for this… my mouth doesn't hurt yet but it feels… tired. I know that sounds weird, but it does. It's like it's tired of having this wire and plastic and metal in there. Tired. Tired as in it's not been 12 hours and it's sick and fucking tired of braces… there I said it… braces…

What am I 13? I think I'm getting a zit… shit I am.

My dog is a stoner

I mean it. It's ok I mean he is under the strict medical care of some woman who lives in Florida.

what?

Yup.

So at the place where he goes to do training (really we go there and they teach us how not to fuck up the dog, but they cleverly disguise it as the "dog" learning shit. Unfortunately I can tell by my classmates that it mostly doesn't work.)

Anyway.

We go there. We like it. Dog likes it. They recently suggested herbs. What? These if I jump to the end are little green pills. Well the pills are clear but they contain plant parts... see what I'm getting at here? They came in a padded mailer...

But I'm so ahead of myself. He had to go to get tested. I'm embarassed. This is 2nd hand because if I had been there it would be a. first hand and b. I would have come uncorked and lately I've kept my cork in place pretty well...

One person put a hand on the dog. They then proceeded to hold their hand our with their arm horizontal. Then they let the dog "sniff" the herbs. When the person's arm came down (and they didn't know which herb it was) then timber tested positive. what? I know this is so not cool, but if you met my dog you understand our willingness to piss on a hot spark plug to get him to calm down.

So he miraculasly tested positive for all the calming herbs. Why the fuck didn't they just try the herbs that calm? What herb calms? How do they know it calms? WTF?

Ok i'm coming uncorked now. So the dog is eating these pills with cheese. He's under the strict care of some lady in Florida and someone else's arm that got tired at appropriate (?!?) times.

Tammy is as skeptical as I am but she keeps saying (and I nod at her) that if it works we'll do it.

It could be placebo we think he's getting calmer so we act calmer around him and he gets calmer. It could be confounding variables where he's getting older and thus calmer (he is at at that time of his pup doggy life). Many people have already seen him and suggested he's much calmer than when he was 1. (G for one and Jon). So this is loaded with logical fallacies, but if my dog is calmer than before then I'll keep pissing on the spark plug...

So far the results are that he's getting calmer. See the falacies above. It might be working too much I had him out to play and he got tired pretty damn fast.

I might need to cut his placebo in 1/2, but first I'll have to consult with some nameless faceless lady in florida or her proxy arm.... BAH

Hold my purse...

So how is it we can be at the Y and Tammy still manages to make me hold her purse. Wait I know what you're thinking (if you know her) she doesn't carry a purse. Ever. It's true she doesn't. However. Last time we were at the Y she put her iPod in her sweat shirt and tied up the arms very cleverly (I couldn't replicate it if you held a gun to my head) so the stuff inside would stay.

Then Deonn came along and she opened put more stuff in it (her CD player) and without even thinking about it and the flying of 100% cotton arms repaired the purse. I couldn't even open up the knots they made. It was like super secret girl knots taught only whilst skipping rope... I then had to carry it out when I was done as I was, as usual, DFL (Last) when it comes to things like that.

This is not my point at all. I thought I would start off on a tangent so as to avoid the holiday tangent rush that comes on us so feverently in the Valentines holiday season.

My point is this (and please I hope your hopes aren't up) if I had a man purse what would I put in it? Some of you are snickering at this point ready to point out that I already have a man purse and I carry my Tablet PC(tm) in it. Um no. Thats not what I mean.

I mean imagine me with one of those butt packs (I refuse to type fanny... shit I just did). Of course it would be made of rich black corinthian leather and have lots of pockets. I think those have really dropped out of fasion, but WTF am I to say about fasion I'm talking about my own mythical man purse.

That is very much like the "Mythical Man Month" only it has credit cards inside.

My Mythical Man Purse would have the following in it at all times:

1. iPaq
2. iPod
3. cell phone
4. Wallet stuff (duh)
5. my camera (ok Max's camera that I boosted from him cause it's too cool)

I heard a line in a John Mayor (I would put a link but his site is obnoxious) song that said "Why does everything I think I need always come with Batteries"... it seems to fit me like a glove... oh ya

Seasonal items could include:

6. gloves
or
6. sunblock

I'm so jealous of women and european men... they get purses... dammit...

I have this stuff with me now in my coat but what am I going to do when it gets warmer? I mean what? I can't wear my coat...

I know! I know!

Cargo Shorts. Mythical Man Cargo Shorts... hmmm lacks ring.

I'm fucked.

Read this book... you're very life might depend on it... or not.

I don't normally just post links into amazon, but this one will prevent danger provide you with untold wealth and security which will make you appealing to everyone around you... ok so it won't... but it'll help you know when things are trying to make you think what i'm thinking you might think right now... you think?

Just look at it.

Virus of the mind...

Ghetto pizza from Sbarro's

So Max and I went to the mall. We was hangin with the mall rats mostly. He wanted to look around and eat in the food court. It was just he and I. He wanted pizza from Sbarro's. There was no peperoni and I asked the guy "how long" for the peperoni. He grunted at me. I shit you not. It was a genuine grunt.

Then he called the back for some help. He pulled out a cheese pizza while yelling for the help. Then teenage dancin' to musiac asian boy came from the back. He asked us if we'd been helped. Since I had yet to translate the Grunt I asked "how long for a piece of pepperoni" He went to the grunt guy and said "how long for pep mr. somebody?" I couldn't make out what somebody was. I assume he said "mr. grunter". Dude grunted *again* this meant something to dancin' boy because he goes "one minute".

Mr. Grunter was adding pepperoni to cheese pizza and served like that. I'm no chef but I thought you put the toppings on before the fucking thing went in the oven. I went ahead and took it. I wish I would have grunted back at him.

Max didn't like it, so I think thats the end for the sbarros in neck of the wood...

grunt.