Improv videographer....
So I'm minding my own business. I always do that. I mind my business. I swear. I wasn't doing nothing to nobody. No sir.
I went to see Max's class put on an assembly in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (Incidentally: Was Sr. a Dr. too? Do you lose your Jr. if you add a Dr. onto the front and you father only had his masters degree? oh Higher education and stupid names. Here's another little tip while I'm in the parenthetical. Don't fucking be funny when you name your kid. OK? No NO NO. No funny. I mean no crazy spellings. Don't let mom fill out the birth certificate if she was hopped up on the latest pharma... pharm.. oh fuck it: DRUGS. You get spellings like Sheeelaaa etc. Please no jokes with the names and at least be creative enough to move it around you don't have to tack a damn Jr. on the end. Take it from *me* Mr. Jerry Ralph Hughson Jr. (Yes Ralph Shut up, k?) Always known as J.R.. Do you think the Jr. at the end of my name is no problem? Well you're wrong or on some of those pharmaceuticals. If I became Dr. Jerry R. Hughson does that mean I get to drop the Jr.? What would happen if my Dad then went to night school (or the internet) and got his PhD in pharmacology do I have to put the Jr. back? Fuck I dunno I'm done.)
I was minding my own fucking business. I had my camcorder. Mistake #2 (Numero uno being that I was minding my own fucking business.) Well someone had to tape the whole thing. So I agreed to it (#3 for those of you playing along at home). In fact I really don't mind the teacher asking. I don't mind doing it. I just hate people.
I hate stupid people. I hate stupid fucking thoughtless people who don't even give a rats ass about their own children. That fires me up.
Now I've set the stage. I'm trying to video the whole fucking presentation (not just my kid's part) for the class and now more than just my (Jr. Naming that is) relatives. I've got responsibility. I was minding my own business now I've got to worry about other people's shit. doh.
I don't have a tripod. His teacher offered but there really wasn't time. So I had to do the steady cam thing with my arms (which are still sore) but I am not complaining. Not about that. I'm getting to it.
When they did the speech part. That's the best part in my mind right? My kid has lines that he by the way rocked on. Clear, outspoken, projection of his portion of the speech. He did have some god reference which made me flinch a bit, but it's historic and important so I swallowed it. I had already asked max if he was comfortable with it and he said he was so so be it. Anyways.
This BITCH. Oops I'm getting ahead of myself.
The teacher had put the parents in the back. But when I moved to video the speech a lady (I use the term not loosely... Incorrectly is more like it.) had put her 3 seat stroller covering the door. I had to get there to get the angle the teacher asked for so I was next to it. I was leaned over a bit and not comfortable. Her littlest started making some noise. OK I get it. That's ok. She picked him or her (no idea I was busy videoing "I have a dream") and right next to me is doing the baby bounce thing you gotta do to keep them quiet sometimes. OK again no problem.
Then it started.
The middle kid had a call to nature and the child appropriately voiced her need. "I gotta go" (Now this is not potty humor. There is nothing funny about her having to go.) The response "not now" shot back. Well the little girl's bladder didn't agree so repeated her need. Now this conversation is happening on my mic and I can't move. They are on either side of me talking to each other through me. I gotta go. No. Gotta GO. No. I GOTTA go POTTY. NOT YET. (My digital video camera catching each and every word) NOW I GOTTA go. This goes on and on. We had Jews and Gentiles sitting down at the table of brotherhood and a need to go potty and a mother flatly refusing to take her. Excuse me? Take the fucking kid to the bathroom can't you tell she's in pain you pathetic piece of shit? (I realize this isn't funny, but I was mad). I shot her a look like "take her already" but she was busy doing the bounce and watching the show. Christ on a Cracker woman I hope this kid pees on you. Course from where I'm standing it's going to be on me not you. Finally. After what seemed like an infinite number of times she finally pulled the stroller out and took the child. I was relieved but now I have a video of it. Joy.
I need to tape it and send it in to school. I'm kinda mortified at the tape. I mean it's bad. I don't want to relive.
It's too bad, but I'm sure that kid will have to relive it at some point soon.
I was just minding my own business.
I went to see Max's class put on an assembly in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (Incidentally: Was Sr. a Dr. too? Do you lose your Jr. if you add a Dr. onto the front and you father only had his masters degree? oh Higher education and stupid names. Here's another little tip while I'm in the parenthetical. Don't fucking be funny when you name your kid. OK? No NO NO. No funny. I mean no crazy spellings. Don't let mom fill out the birth certificate if she was hopped up on the latest pharma... pharm.. oh fuck it: DRUGS. You get spellings like Sheeelaaa etc. Please no jokes with the names and at least be creative enough to move it around you don't have to tack a damn Jr. on the end. Take it from *me* Mr. Jerry Ralph Hughson Jr. (Yes Ralph Shut up, k?) Always known as J.R.. Do you think the Jr. at the end of my name is no problem? Well you're wrong or on some of those pharmaceuticals. If I became Dr. Jerry R. Hughson does that mean I get to drop the Jr.? What would happen if my Dad then went to night school (or the internet) and got his PhD in pharmacology do I have to put the Jr. back? Fuck I dunno I'm done.)
I was minding my own fucking business. I had my camcorder. Mistake #2 (Numero uno being that I was minding my own fucking business.) Well someone had to tape the whole thing. So I agreed to it (#3 for those of you playing along at home). In fact I really don't mind the teacher asking. I don't mind doing it. I just hate people.
I hate stupid people. I hate stupid fucking thoughtless people who don't even give a rats ass about their own children. That fires me up.
Now I've set the stage. I'm trying to video the whole fucking presentation (not just my kid's part) for the class and now more than just my (Jr. Naming that is) relatives. I've got responsibility. I was minding my own business now I've got to worry about other people's shit. doh.
I don't have a tripod. His teacher offered but there really wasn't time. So I had to do the steady cam thing with my arms (which are still sore) but I am not complaining. Not about that. I'm getting to it.
When they did the speech part. That's the best part in my mind right? My kid has lines that he by the way rocked on. Clear, outspoken, projection of his portion of the speech. He did have some god reference which made me flinch a bit, but it's historic and important so I swallowed it. I had already asked max if he was comfortable with it and he said he was so so be it. Anyways.
This BITCH. Oops I'm getting ahead of myself.
The teacher had put the parents in the back. But when I moved to video the speech a lady (I use the term not loosely... Incorrectly is more like it.) had put her 3 seat stroller covering the door. I had to get there to get the angle the teacher asked for so I was next to it. I was leaned over a bit and not comfortable. Her littlest started making some noise. OK I get it. That's ok. She picked him or her (no idea I was busy videoing "I have a dream") and right next to me is doing the baby bounce thing you gotta do to keep them quiet sometimes. OK again no problem.
Then it started.
The middle kid had a call to nature and the child appropriately voiced her need. "I gotta go" (Now this is not potty humor. There is nothing funny about her having to go.) The response "not now" shot back. Well the little girl's bladder didn't agree so repeated her need. Now this conversation is happening on my mic and I can't move. They are on either side of me talking to each other through me. I gotta go. No. Gotta GO. No. I GOTTA go POTTY. NOT YET. (My digital video camera catching each and every word) NOW I GOTTA go. This goes on and on. We had Jews and Gentiles sitting down at the table of brotherhood and a need to go potty and a mother flatly refusing to take her. Excuse me? Take the fucking kid to the bathroom can't you tell she's in pain you pathetic piece of shit? (I realize this isn't funny, but I was mad). I shot her a look like "take her already" but she was busy doing the bounce and watching the show. Christ on a Cracker woman I hope this kid pees on you. Course from where I'm standing it's going to be on me not you. Finally. After what seemed like an infinite number of times she finally pulled the stroller out and took the child. I was relieved but now I have a video of it. Joy.
I need to tape it and send it in to school. I'm kinda mortified at the tape. I mean it's bad. I don't want to relive.
It's too bad, but I'm sure that kid will have to relive it at some point soon.
I was just minding my own business.
posted by J.R. at 7:15 PM
2 Comments:
Wait wait wait... YOU are J.R. Jr.? Hahahahahahaha that cracks me up. Hahahahaha. Ok I'm over it now.
Sic.
Hahahahaha
I think you have two choices:
1) Leave the video how it is and they can suffer; perhaps the woman who made all the noise will end up horribly embarrassed
2) Take this opportunity to learn about digital audio editing as you know you've always wanted to; you should be able to remove the potty conversation or at least knock it back so it isn't so loud
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