Careful...
OK this one is going to be one of those ones that I have to walk to potty humor line very carefully. It kinda happens whenever I have something to blog about something that happens in the bathroom. At work. I don't blog about the bathroom at home. I shouldn't huh? anyways.
So I always read. You know what I mean, right? With the above paragraph you do know what I mean. Lately I've had a shortage of interesting books at work to take with me. I had taken "everything and more" with me home to read when I was sick. That was pretty stupid because it's a book about the history of mathematics and infinity and how mathematics has handled the concept since the Greeks til modern times. OK so when you're really sick (I took 1/2 my sick time for the year in March) reading about math is right out. I read "mouse tales" which is an insider's guide to Disneyland and it's history. Really really great book. So cool(I'm so avoiding the subject of this post huh?)
So I took a management book into the bathroom with me. It was "To do; Doing; Done" an old favorite of mine on project management. OK fine. For whatever reason I thought later in the day I left it in the disabled stall in the 2nd floor bathroom. So shit. What do I do? I go get the mutherfucker. It's not the first time I've lost this particular book. I lent it to someone and well to do doing done was "to do; doing; gone" (It's ok M, really.) So I don't have to go, but I'm going. "Oh YOU'RE going!"
I go in and it's not empty. I mean not only is the bathroom not empty but the stall in question (2nd stall on the right and straight on til morning) is occupied. Fuck.
I hadn't planned for this problem. Now if all the stalls were taken I could just wait (I so deleted a potty humor joke here). But only my target stall was busy so I didn't know what to do. Wait like a creep standing there? Nope. I dip into another stall and hide. Yes I did. Are you laughing? I was, but it was that supressed laugh that you have to have in public places such as restrooms. So I had "urinal guy" and "stall guy" that I was waiting for an exit. Urinal guy goes and washes. I hear pages turning. Is that my book, you mutherfucker?
Urinal guy leaves. Flush from stall guy. ok good. I hope for a second that he doesn't wash because I don't want him to see me exit stall 2 and enter stall 3 just to find my god damn book. That would be weird. Like this blog entry isn't weird.
So he washes. I even hear the soap go.... clean. Nice. OK now I hope no one else comes in because I'll be stuck in stall 2 while they finish whatever the hell they need to do because I'm not coming out of stall 2 and entering stall 3 with anyone in there. I've decided that's where I draw the line. So stall guy leaves and I bolt out of the stall and look in stall 3.
No book. Did stall guy just take it? No likely not. It's not on the bench. Shit. Do I ask the receptionist down front? uh no. Why? I tell you it would go like this, "did anyone turn in a book?"
Recep says back, "uh no where did you leave it?"
Me, "uh stall 3 on the second floor men's room."
recep, "um no. no books... " (likely gives me a look at this point as I leave)
So I'll send her email asking if the book has been turned in. That's my plan. My master plan. The plan that will not be defeated... I go back to my office.
So see the thing is. I get back to my office. I had to add some new hardware and the thing is... my book... well it was right there next to my new switch box.
Situation normal.
So I always read. You know what I mean, right? With the above paragraph you do know what I mean. Lately I've had a shortage of interesting books at work to take with me. I had taken "everything and more" with me home to read when I was sick. That was pretty stupid because it's a book about the history of mathematics and infinity and how mathematics has handled the concept since the Greeks til modern times. OK so when you're really sick (I took 1/2 my sick time for the year in March) reading about math is right out. I read "mouse tales" which is an insider's guide to Disneyland and it's history. Really really great book. So cool(I'm so avoiding the subject of this post huh?)
So I took a management book into the bathroom with me. It was "To do; Doing; Done" an old favorite of mine on project management. OK fine. For whatever reason I thought later in the day I left it in the disabled stall in the 2nd floor bathroom. So shit. What do I do? I go get the mutherfucker. It's not the first time I've lost this particular book. I lent it to someone and well to do doing done was "to do; doing; gone" (It's ok M, really.) So I don't have to go, but I'm going. "Oh YOU'RE going!"
I go in and it's not empty. I mean not only is the bathroom not empty but the stall in question (2nd stall on the right and straight on til morning) is occupied. Fuck.
I hadn't planned for this problem. Now if all the stalls were taken I could just wait (I so deleted a potty humor joke here). But only my target stall was busy so I didn't know what to do. Wait like a creep standing there? Nope. I dip into another stall and hide. Yes I did. Are you laughing? I was, but it was that supressed laugh that you have to have in public places such as restrooms. So I had "urinal guy" and "stall guy" that I was waiting for an exit. Urinal guy goes and washes. I hear pages turning. Is that my book, you mutherfucker?
Urinal guy leaves. Flush from stall guy. ok good. I hope for a second that he doesn't wash because I don't want him to see me exit stall 2 and enter stall 3 just to find my god damn book. That would be weird. Like this blog entry isn't weird.
So he washes. I even hear the soap go.... clean. Nice. OK now I hope no one else comes in because I'll be stuck in stall 2 while they finish whatever the hell they need to do because I'm not coming out of stall 2 and entering stall 3 with anyone in there. I've decided that's where I draw the line. So stall guy leaves and I bolt out of the stall and look in stall 3.
No book. Did stall guy just take it? No likely not. It's not on the bench. Shit. Do I ask the receptionist down front? uh no. Why? I tell you it would go like this, "did anyone turn in a book?"
Recep says back, "uh no where did you leave it?"
Me, "uh stall 3 on the second floor men's room."
recep, "um no. no books... " (likely gives me a look at this point as I leave)
So I'll send her email asking if the book has been turned in. That's my plan. My master plan. The plan that will not be defeated... I go back to my office.
So see the thing is. I get back to my office. I had to add some new hardware and the thing is... my book... well it was right there next to my new switch box.
Situation normal.
posted by J.R. at 9:19 AM
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