Proxy Shoving
OK so I have a few stocks. I don't worry about them. I just buy into a fund right and while I can see what they have I don't have any choice or power at all about what's in the fund. So far so good right? If I had to worry about when to sell my coke and buy Pepsi I'd be up all night in tears. So I take the easy way out. Those boys mostly play safe and that's just fine with me.
Sometimes when a company needs to have a stock holders meeting they send out voting forms so you can vote for stuff they are going to do. Like this:
Check this box if our accounts should have a pineapple shoved up their respective anuses for the fraud they perpetrated on you in the spring of 2003. Check this box for pine cones. (I usually vote for the brick with sharp corners, but hey that's me, "Mr. Aggressive.")
Actually it's like do you want Bill W running the board check here. Vote for your top 3 execs. They don't even give me a photo so I can see by the look in their eyes who the real asshole is in this bunch. I'd vote for that fucker so that later I can vote to have a Louisville slugger inserted into him in a rather uncomfortable way for robbing the retirement fund of all of my sweat shop workers.
They send me these fucking proxy votes all the god damn time. I hate them. So then I started thinking well fuck I own a lil piece of that company so I should vote for what I think is best. Then the voice of reason steps up and as profane as usual: You dumb fuck, you don't know shit about importing ben-waaa balls from the orient and marking them up for a god damn profit. You didn't know baseball bat man (super villain? no) was robbing the retirement fund to buy a big ass yacht outside of Fiji with an all girl concubine crew. (Fucker didn't invite my skinny white ass either!) So what the fuck do I know. Nothing. OK so don't vote. Wait what if all the stock holders didn't vote. huh... No idea.
WORSE: What if all the stock holders know what you know (exactly ZEEEEROOOO) and they did vote? Uh wait that's probably the case. Shit.
Oh well I guess I'll check the boxes and takes my chances... What do you say to 2 ninja throwing stars each for the VP's... um ya and a live angry ferret for the COO... good enough. Oh look it's postage paid. Yay. (I have such a short attention span.)
Sometimes when a company needs to have a stock holders meeting they send out voting forms so you can vote for stuff they are going to do. Like this:
Check this box if our accounts should have a pineapple shoved up their respective anuses for the fraud they perpetrated on you in the spring of 2003. Check this box for pine cones. (I usually vote for the brick with sharp corners, but hey that's me, "Mr. Aggressive.")
Actually it's like do you want Bill W running the board check here. Vote for your top 3 execs. They don't even give me a photo so I can see by the look in their eyes who the real asshole is in this bunch. I'd vote for that fucker so that later I can vote to have a Louisville slugger inserted into him in a rather uncomfortable way for robbing the retirement fund of all of my sweat shop workers.
They send me these fucking proxy votes all the god damn time. I hate them. So then I started thinking well fuck I own a lil piece of that company so I should vote for what I think is best. Then the voice of reason steps up and as profane as usual: You dumb fuck, you don't know shit about importing ben-waaa balls from the orient and marking them up for a god damn profit. You didn't know baseball bat man (super villain? no) was robbing the retirement fund to buy a big ass yacht outside of Fiji with an all girl concubine crew. (Fucker didn't invite my skinny white ass either!) So what the fuck do I know. Nothing. OK so don't vote. Wait what if all the stock holders didn't vote. huh... No idea.
WORSE: What if all the stock holders know what you know (exactly ZEEEEROOOO) and they did vote? Uh wait that's probably the case. Shit.
Oh well I guess I'll check the boxes and takes my chances... What do you say to 2 ninja throwing stars each for the VP's... um ya and a live angry ferret for the COO... good enough. Oh look it's postage paid. Yay. (I have such a short attention span.)
posted by J.R. at 5:19 PM
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