Baby Jesus Needs a sponser
Don't ya think? I mean come on Santa has coke. Have you seen the ads. I found out this year that St. Nick used to be dressed in green. You know red and green. And green. But then coke go a hold of him and put their people on him got him a posse and new light up reindeer and new bling in the form a big ass red suit. I think they paunched him out too to make for more red on eyes. Yes indeed coca-cola to the rescue to pull Mr. Clause into the lead. Ohhhh little st. nick...
Where does that leave baby jesus? I mean really. He's got the manger thing going. What straw and some donkies maybe. The wise men who drop the gifts look down mary's ... outfit then off they go. How wise is that? I mean they walked for freakin days following a star and brought gold and that uh... other shit. I don't think I'd want the other shit just the gold thank you very much. Maybe they were trying to sponser the little baby jesus (or as Mr. Izzard says: Baby "G") So what. Donkies. Maybe the democrats would like to sponser him. Sorry right wing boys there was no god damn elephant in the inn either. No room for baby G no room for the republicans. So no try as you might to sponser baby G nope. The dems could do it, but would piss off their libratarian end and all us atheists so they won't go that way.
Poor baby G. Out in the cold with no sponser. Let's face it Tony Hawk is on all major game platforms and he just rides a skate board. (I love how I use the word just and I can't walk through my garage lately without falling on my ass and there are exactly zero wheels involved) It's not like Mr. Hawk also puts the lepers back together and makes the blind see.
It's not that he isn't popular. No baby G is almost as popular as John Lennon. Certainly in my eyes I'd rather hang with the late fab four member, but that's just me. OK so he's popular. I mean you might say that this or that church "sponsers" him but no not really. I mean you don't see the baby jesus with a pope shirt on do you? Maybe a Church-O-England medalian. Nope. In fact I better the baby G is working with his legal team to sue the crap out of those churches for having his likeness on their wall with zero swag passed his way. Nothing, nada.
Let's face it we need to bring in the big guns. Pepsi. Yes indeed coke got santa so Pepsi should get the baby jesus. I mean so much for the new generation. Or whatever the latest pepsi slogan is. Put baby jesus in a red white and blue trucker hat and send him off to spread the good word of caffine, fizz and carmel color not to mention all the sugar. Yes before you know it the priests will be handing out "drink 7 pepsi's and you'll be absolved" in the confessional. The bling with flow lots of gold chains around the baby jesus's neck with, "Pepsi: Not #2 anymore!" (A good slogan for a cola if you ask me, but shit I'm not in marketing. I'm not that good looking.) Yes Mary and Joesph can get in out the act too. Maybe they will bring in enough so they can buy the inn and kick out the mutherfucker who parked their asses with the donkey. Come on the lady was gonna give birth what piece of shit a-hole would put her in with the sheep? I ask you.
So then the cola wars can escalate and we'll have Jesus Vs. Santa in south park and only Brian Boitano will be able to save the day... (OK for the record I tried to find a link to the original southpark pilot and couldn't google it out of my ass so sorry. If someone wants they can comment with a link to a site that actually has it rather just talks about it.)
Merry fucking atheist day. (why not?)
Where does that leave baby jesus? I mean really. He's got the manger thing going. What straw and some donkies maybe. The wise men who drop the gifts look down mary's ... outfit then off they go. How wise is that? I mean they walked for freakin days following a star and brought gold and that uh... other shit. I don't think I'd want the other shit just the gold thank you very much. Maybe they were trying to sponser the little baby jesus (or as Mr. Izzard says: Baby "G") So what. Donkies. Maybe the democrats would like to sponser him. Sorry right wing boys there was no god damn elephant in the inn either. No room for baby G no room for the republicans. So no try as you might to sponser baby G nope. The dems could do it, but would piss off their libratarian end and all us atheists so they won't go that way.
Poor baby G. Out in the cold with no sponser. Let's face it Tony Hawk is on all major game platforms and he just rides a skate board. (I love how I use the word just and I can't walk through my garage lately without falling on my ass and there are exactly zero wheels involved) It's not like Mr. Hawk also puts the lepers back together and makes the blind see.
It's not that he isn't popular. No baby G is almost as popular as John Lennon. Certainly in my eyes I'd rather hang with the late fab four member, but that's just me. OK so he's popular. I mean you might say that this or that church "sponsers" him but no not really. I mean you don't see the baby jesus with a pope shirt on do you? Maybe a Church-O-England medalian. Nope. In fact I better the baby G is working with his legal team to sue the crap out of those churches for having his likeness on their wall with zero swag passed his way. Nothing, nada.
Let's face it we need to bring in the big guns. Pepsi. Yes indeed coke got santa so Pepsi should get the baby jesus. I mean so much for the new generation. Or whatever the latest pepsi slogan is. Put baby jesus in a red white and blue trucker hat and send him off to spread the good word of caffine, fizz and carmel color not to mention all the sugar. Yes before you know it the priests will be handing out "drink 7 pepsi's and you'll be absolved" in the confessional. The bling with flow lots of gold chains around the baby jesus's neck with, "Pepsi: Not #2 anymore!" (A good slogan for a cola if you ask me, but shit I'm not in marketing. I'm not that good looking.) Yes Mary and Joesph can get in out the act too. Maybe they will bring in enough so they can buy the inn and kick out the mutherfucker who parked their asses with the donkey. Come on the lady was gonna give birth what piece of shit a-hole would put her in with the sheep? I ask you.
So then the cola wars can escalate and we'll have Jesus Vs. Santa in south park and only Brian Boitano will be able to save the day... (OK for the record I tried to find a link to the original southpark pilot and couldn't google it out of my ass so sorry. If someone wants they can comment with a link to a site that actually has it rather just talks about it.)
Merry fucking atheist day. (why not?)
posted by J.R. at 9:53 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home