Wet Disney

Disney parking tram on our vacation. Wet.

LA got some serious rain while we were there. Got back and what's it doing today... ya you guessed it... raining.

TV I don't watch

OK so I hate TV. But I'm in fucking LA in a fucking flash-flood-don't-leave-your-hotel kinda situation so I'm stuck with cable. The shows suck ass, yes as per usual. I'm afraid to tell you which shows because you might like them. I'm stuck up, I know it. I hate fucking tv.

switch to "reverend R" voice (k?)

Friends... I have need for your attention.

Friends, it has come to my attention that stupid people watch tv.

Yes they do. How do I know this? Friends I was watching TV myself this very evening. In fact right now Chandler is about to dump some chick named janice who laughes like a really bad parrot. Like a parrot that has been watching... well fucking TV for all it's life. Anyways... Friends. The commercials. They have disclaimers.

OK so people doing stuid things on tv for the sake of selling voice over IP service. In this case they were wrecking a snowmobile. OK so ya thats stupid. But friends. Do we need to say "do not attempt" on the bottom of the screen? Do we?

I'm sorry if you want to wreck a snowmobile, it's OK with me.

If you want to watch TV... well thats not OK and if you give it up for 28 days and go to lots of meetings maybe you can shake it. Say it with me... testify.... no more TV... say it...

ok enough with the reverend voice

Seriously I'm just in a bad mood considering I didn't have to fly all the way to LA to get rain and cable tv. I could have called comcast and saved ten dollars a month and let those fuckers put cable in my house. Yes they would take money OFF of my bill if I let them put cable in. No No No.

Again I'm grouchy so ignore me. K? say amen. ok don't.

MonoRain

it's been one god damn long rain here. They make a fucking mint on those ponchos. We just wore our coats but man amusement parks are not so fucking amusing in the rain. My hands get so cold typing this blog entry is hard. I couldn't even blog at all last night.

We ate a great lunch at "Blue By You" today it's fake night. I loved it.

We rode the monorail today and the windows were stuck open so it rained in on us. Lovely.

Actually it's been really fun in the park. We have breakfast with the princesses (sp?) scheduled in the morning.

L.A.

So we're in LA. We're near disney and we're going there in the morning.

Can I just say: It's fucking raining so fucking hard it's making the happiest place on earth the wettest place on earth. Thats ok when you're with a woman, but not at an amusement park.

Aikido Six Pack

I passed my 6 kyu test last night. There really wasn't any question if we would pass or not. Sensai made it clear if she had us test we were going to pass.

So I suck just a little less now?

Aikido test tonight

So tonight I take an Aikido test. My first. Crazy huh? I've been working really hard to get the hours in and get my techniques to at least look miserably like what they should. Tammy is jamming and has no issues and is already working on the next test. I have to know the Japanese words for everything.

Aikido is great though. I've learned a lot and I'm sure I know my body better.

I was scared and I'm sure I'll be scared again. I wasn't scared after last night's class. I stayed after with my Test Partner (aka Uke) his name is Max and we did the whole test and I nailed it... enough.

We all take part in cleaning after class. I vacuumed the whole mat by myself slowly and methodically making sure to get every square inch. I was thinking that if I take care of the mat the mat will take care of me.

Also I was thinking that you really don't know how big something is until you've cleaned it.

As I drove out of there I wasn't afraid and I'm just now as I write this, starting to get scared...ooops. I think I just created some fear for myself. It'll go away.

Right?

Flashback the second.

I might have started at the beginning, but I can't possibly do these in order.

This one is from college.

For a year I lived life in a fraternity. I know, you're shocked but it's true. We didn't have Greek letters I was an active member of Triange fraternity. We have no Greek letters and yet we were a member of the Greek society. People would ask us if were "Delta" etc. There was much confusion.

We were geeked out beyond being geeked out. I could give examples but it would hurt.

I only lived there for a year. The year before that I pledged. I spent a week living in the house in the spring of 1989. This week was by design "hell." I'm not here to go into that either. That would be an entirely different flashback.

That year we had a cook. Her name was Idealia she was in her 40's and she worked strictly for cash. I imagine it would mess up her other forms of income to have a 10-99 from us. Part of her compensation was dinner. She would take enough with her to feed her family. She would only cook for us when her son was in jail. If he was out of jail she had to keep an eye on him and keep on the, "straight-n-narrow." She'd take a year off from us when he was out of incarceration. The year I lived there she didn't cook for us. He must have made parole.

Idealia was not educated formally. She could freakin cook though. This woman could take the crap ingredients we would give her and turn it into the most wonderful meat loaf you have ever seen. That might sound oxymoronic to you, but in fact it was good food. All the time.

We used to have to do "waiter duty" which put us in the kitchen washing stuff. During "hell week" you might imagine that those of us who were in hell would do all of the washing. You'd be right. I can remember her saying every single day as she cut out her portion for her and her grandson to take home, "It sure smells good! I sure hope it eats good TOO!" and she'd leave. Everyday she said that. We said it a lot at dinner. It did eat good. Of course I was very hungry by then.

One day I was making my lunch while Idealia was working on dinner. We had to cook our own lunch and breakfast was just cereal. That day I had a box of mac & cheese and I wasn't looking forward to it. I was kinda bummed in fact. I actually missed my dorm lunches (speaking of oxymoronic that food was BAD). I was talking to Idealia and I complained, "They never put enough cheese in!"

She replied with wisdom that has stuck with me to today, "Well then put some cheese in it!" She might have tacked on a "child" at the end but I can't remember.

I stood there stone still. It was likely a few seconds that seemed like 10 minutes as the sound of her words echoed through my head. "Put some cheese in it!"

It had never occurred to me to mess with what was in the pot after the box had spoken. I was a pure powdered cheese mild and a pat of butter guy up until then. No experimentation. No solving the problem. No proactivity. Zero zip. I went and got some American cheese (because I have no class) and dropped in not one but three slices of it! It was wonderful.

Idealia's words have stuck with me. When facing a problem where I feel like I've got nowhere to go I will some times chant to myself: "Put some cheese in it!" I will often add the word "moron" after just for my own satisfaction.

This flashback has been brought to you by Triangle fraternity.

Sure smells good, I sure hope it reads good too...

Flashback...

Last night we watched the end of the mini series From the Earth to the Moon I have to admit that the space program makes me cry. The show is so well done too and that doesn't help. The acting and writing are just outstanding. It sorta gave me an idea on my way to work this early morning as the sun rose and created an orange sky over Mt. Rainier.

My idea is a flashback. I usually write about what is happening right now in my life. I've had a life pre blog. Granted not much of one, but still. I think I just implied that the blog is my life... uh oh.

I think I've written up this flashback before, but I have a good reason to repeat it. It's the first flashback ever. Well for me. Not that I invented the daytime TV revisionist history tool, but still this one is the very first for me.

I was born in Florida in February of 1969. No that isn't the flash back, I don't remember that far. Yes I do realize that the last two digits of the year of my birth are dirty. Yes I know I was born right at the end of the Chinese year of the monkey which according to some makes me a monkey's ass. Frankly I don't think I needed to be born in Feb to be a monkey's ass, but that's another post entirely.

I can remember sitting on the green shag carpet (hey it was 1972 I do believe!) watching TV. It was one of those big wooden things that very likely wasn't color. I can't recall. It did have a built in record player. (That was the word used in the early 70's for "turn table.") My parents played lots of "Sonny and Cher" albums on it to be sure.

I'm sitting there looking at this thing just sitting there on the TV and people were counting. They were counting backwards but I didn't really grab that. I mean for all I know (my recollection isn't that strong this was a long time ago.) I thought big bird was having a bad day was going the wrong way. Clearly the show was brought to you by the letter T because everything was T minus this and T minus that. (Did I mention I will stretch the flashbacks a little with conjecture? No? Well I will.)

Then the thing was on fire. I remember that very clearly. If you read Penn Jillette's essay in How to Play in Traffic by Penn and Teller you'll hear about the time differential between seeing the launch and feeling it. I don't say hearing because that isn't the right word. You feel it. It's so much energy going into the air that the word sound doesn't do it justice. I can't remember how much time (or T plus) it was when it hit the house, but when it hit it hit hard. It was my first earthquake and it was human made.

I remember being scooped up by my father and taken outside because that's what the fuck you do in an earthquake right? And I saw it with my own eyes streaking across the sky from the earth to the moon. Apollo 16.

Flashback 16. Apr. 1972 17:54:00 UTC(12:54:00 EST)

Oh I've been in the field

It was Friday morning. It was a cold and crisp foggy day. Danger was in the air.

What kind of danger you ask? 2nd grade danger. That's just below 1st grade danger which is of utmost concern. 2nd grade danger was abound. I knew where I was going and I knew of the perils that lay before me.

It was a field trip... with ... 23 2nd graders. yes that my friend is 2nd grade danger. I had been down this road before to the zoo a couple of years ago. It took that long for me to heal up enough to go again. 2nd Grade danger comes in many forms. This was a visit to the Pacific Science Center. We got to ride the bus.

They say that things look smaller when you get older. Like you go to you home town and see your old house and your old yard from when you were six the usual reaction is, "Bloody Hell! What happened to my yard?" (well if you're in the UK in the US it's, "fuck me! What happened to my yard?" Happy to translate for my fellow Americans). Well this bus looked big to me. Really big. It was fuckin' huge. As I recall my bus was tiny. A Short bus even. (Did you fall for that setup? I thought not)

So we're riding to the field trip and my group is very small. My daughter sam who can't quite ever close her mouth. I found out through my field research that is in fact very typical of a second grader in that class. They all seemed to have that 'issue' (note to self mention electro shock talk therapy to 2nd grade teacher... or not)

Well the other little girl who was in our group must have very nice parents because she is a very nice little girl. They can't spell however which is too bad for her because the stuck a stray K in her name. We'll call her "not moniKa". K?

OK so Not Monika was telling me about how bad car theft is and how her aunt bought a special thing to keep her car from getting stolen. I thought maybe it was a club because I heard steering wheel a few times as she went on and on about this device. She then went through the sequence to enable the device:

1. turn the key
2. move the steering wheel (I doubt this is really a step, but she is in 2nd grade)
3. blow into the tube so the car "knows it's you"

precious, no?

After going over the effects of alcohol on the driving experience with her.... no no I'm kidding I just smiled and said something akin to, "interesting" and moved on.

Now we were loose in the science center. We did all kinds of hands on stuff and it was great. We had to go see "beavers" the IMAX movie. I thought cool a scheduled nap for me. Uh no.

no.

so ... NO.

Once we settle in I can smell that one god damn parent has violated the "don't buy anything for anyone at anytime rule and bought his group popcorn" bloody hell. (yes for those of us who are American WTF works nicely here).

I had to deny many requests for popcorn at that point. I wanted to say, well your teacher is going to cut that guys balls off when we get back to the room and put them on a steak outside room 41. But I didn't. I just kept saying, "no we can't violate your teacher's rule or she will (you guessed it) cut my balls off and put them on a steak outside of room 41".

So beavers. Ya I know what you're thinking. Beaver also means... Well you know... so I was worried that some of the 2nd graders would know this. Oddly enough there wasn't a single snicker (other than myself) when the title of the film came up in big letters on the screen. I then went onto to explain to the kids around me that beaver is another word for pussy. They got it. OK no didn't. I used the word 'vagina'". Well fuck, they've played HALO and seen the matrix why they hell not?

The film itself was amazing. Beavers can cut down a shit load of trees. By shit load I mean 400 in a year. Yes that's a lot of ... trees. Sorry my mind drifted.

Also beavers never shut up. They make this sound. Like a little kid whining. (No it wasn't all the 2nd graders it was the fucking beavers) Do you think I can take a nap with that shit going on? Well I tried then the fuckers hit the water with their tail and woke me up and don't get me started on the bear. So no sleep. Then the beavers started to fuck. I can say fuck because I'm not in 2nd grade. I might have on retrospect said in 2nd grade too, but whatever I went to private school where you can go to confession. ok no I didn't confess anything. Deny deny deny.

Kid next to me says, "they are fighting" another kid goes, "no they are dancing" and Sam goes, "That's kissing". I wanted to say... never mind. So there is some interesting physics here. The beavers have big ass flat tails that ... Well I guess they would get in the way. So they (in this particular beaver porno) fucked face to face standing up... Let that sink in for a min. And no they didn't stop making that noise. They had little beavers and yes they all fucking make the noise together.

OK then we had lunch. One single seagull attack. Nothing much to mention. Not Monika didn't bleed very much. no no, no children were harmed in the forming of this blog entry.

More science center and then back on the bus. On the bus I got directions to Not Monika's church... 5 or 6 times. Her directions are akin to, "you go to the street by school then up the cul-de-sac and the house that was for sale last month, that one is where we live." so ya...

I was really fucking tired when I got home. Not like beaver fucking, but really fucking tired.

see there was this guy...

We were walking down the hall and I was going for a coke so you know I was motivated. I was walking behind a guy who was reading. He stopped walking right in front of me. (One) I go to pass him on the side and he side stepped (two) right in front of me. It was as if he wanted to stop me from getting my coke. At this point in the story you are expecting me to either a. Kick him. II say something rude or 3. go the other way around him.

I went for C go around the other way... ok fine I pass him on the right... as we get to the kitchen he, still reading, passes me back totally blocking the kitchen door. Looks up and sees me for the first time.

He apologizes for being in my way saying he was spaced, I told him that was all right.

I thought well that guy just saved himself from being the subject of a blog entry... then I thought naaaahhh let's write his ass up. And here we are.

Take a walk... on the

wild side.

I went out for a walk in the sunshine just now. Sunshine does not equal warm. I walked all around this pretty trail that leads to a fake wetland (the ducks and other life forms don't think it's fake) and I saw some really good pond scum.

I took a few deep breaths of that 'clean' air and started wondering why it is that I went 50 yards (thats sorta like 50 Meters for those of you not stupid enough to know the english units as in those of you from the UK who have since ditched the stupid system for something better.) where was I? oh yes 50 yards. 50 Yards from my building and I could smell this wonderful nature smell. Why is that? There isn't that much nature here. Almost none to speak of in the grand scheme of nature, but yet I was in it and I could smell it.

It smelled so clean. I wondered why the air was so wondefully clean there... I looked around you had pond and a whole mess-o-pond-scum. Lots of pond scum. You gotta love that green stuff. Was that cleaning the air? maybe. I really think it was just all the stuff rotting around me gave me the nature smell. Smells good.

Yum Pond Scum

Got Rot? (It does a body good.)

Red for the holiday? Red because it's not blue? who knows why? It's radical red and no it won't glow in the dark...

I can lose anything anywhere

On Friday I got done with Aikido and I was really sweaty. I needed a shower so I parked a touch illegally at work by the locker rooms so I could get a quick shower. While sitting in the car. While SITTING in the car as I arragned my stuff to take into the locker room I lost my car key. I couldn't find it. It was in the car because I hadn't even opened the door. I couldn't find the thing anywhere. I looked and looked. I gave up and used the spare key in the glove box to lock it up so I could get my shower.

I moved the car to a more legal spot using the spare key. Can't find the real key. Looked under the seats moved everything around... no luck.

Drive home with spare key.

Tammy asks me if I looked in my Aikido bag. I say yes. She goes and looks in the car. Can't find it. I feel vindicated. She asks me again if I looked in the bag. I say yes. (I had) After some discussion I go look in the bag again. I empty the bag. Not there. There is this little pocket on the outside of the bag that I never use. Ever.

You can fill it in from here, right?

New book

I might start two new books at one time. Both of them fiction. Weird? Well one of them is Moby-Dick by Herman Melville. Who wants to bet me that I can't/won't finish it? I mean even in a certain amount of time? Be aware I'm not a fast reader.

It could be someone who wants to help me by encouraging me to read it. It could be somone who wants to enflict Melville on me. Either way doesn't matter to me..

Wanna bet?

This was an early birthday gift. I really like it. It's by someone who beads. Can you tell?

working late update

don't you know it's going to be all right? (yes it's still the white album)

I finished my book Bolt of Fate. I really liked the book. I don't know what I'll be reading next.

I'm getting tired. Way tired and I'm still waiting...

Workin' late

So I'm in at work. I have access to a machine that is needed to do a huge build over the weekend. So I came back into work to kick it off. I'm stuck here for a while. I'm cranking the white album. back in the ussr.

First off I took the "Bad Ass Elevator" up from the garage. You get really prime parking places at work at 8:30pm. I get in normally at 6:00am ish and you can pretty much park whereverthefuckyouwant. Dear Prudence

Do you think since I have such a choice I might have put some thought into which one is my favorite? Yes? You're right. I've all but measured it. I really want to be able to bust a move and get the fuck out when the time comes so I like to have a nose out parking configuration. I call it the prime spot. I love it. My lil beetle is sitting in mutherfuckin' prime right now. It's a bit wet from the road, but not much as there was no rain. The beetle is looking pretty dirty and needs to be cleaned.

I did a really dumb thing in there today. After 9:00am Aikido (getting my ass kicked in more than one way. I'm so not ready) I really needed a shower. *needed* a shower so I parked illegally (only in a minor way, I didn't like take a blue disabled spot or anything like that, I just didn't carpool and left it in a carpool spot whilst I showered. No tickets) So I'm sitting in the car. In the mutherfucking car. I haven't opened the door yet and I lost the fucking key. I can't find it. I'm parked in a not so great spot and I can't find my key. I looked and looked. I lifed the seats, moved all my shit til the back looked between the cracks... no luck... no key. Luckily I'm stupid, but prepared. I have a spare key that I keep in the glove box. By the way do you think you could fit a fucking glove in there? No. Do you think you could fit a single tissue or napkin in there? no. If you can't fit either of those then I guess you couldn't fit a pair of ants in there let alone a fucking pair of gloves. Also if your hands are really cold and you want gloves do you want to open that fucking box? no. That's what they make pockets for. I've digressed, honey pie.

I've got the while album cranked. At night there is a different vibe from 6:00am. Although the lights just went out in the hallway. Did it scare the fuck out of me you ask? yes. yes it did. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da...

Step one is done and I'm waiting for it to finish a major copy. This is really boring but at least I have my blog. Why don't We Do It In The Road?

I'm sorry to be boring you with this one. I'm just waiting so I'm calling home... Martha My Dear.

OK guess what? This is taking a long freakin' time. Yer Blues

I'm going to read while it continues... Maybe I'll do an update later.

Long Long Long

A little late movie review (spoiler if you haven't seen it)

So I finally saw The Graduate. Yes I know... shut up. It's classic. I realize that. I just never saw it. So I'm a bit late with my review of it.

It seemed kinda dated. (Kidding jeezus lighten up will ya?)

I tried really hard to watch it from the point of view that it was really old because well it's really old. I really liked it. (yes I know duh) The sound track rocks (again double duh). I was able to draw a lot of connections with Garden State. Which despite david's review really did appeal to me. There were a lot of similarities in fact. Some of the stuff was just pretty. I liked the drawn out motion scenes in The Graduate almost as much as I liked the time compressed stuff in Garden State. I really liked that I got quotes that I heard a million times before finally. "Plastics", comes to mind. I have to admit I didn't really care for the ending all that much. They don't really go into why he's obsessed with the girl after doing her mother. That seems like a really good time to walk away. I might have easily missed the point as often happens. I also thought the happy ending was a bit forced. I was expecting her to give him the finger and kiss the other guy. I will say the ending sequence rocked the way they shot it and I enjoyed the bus even. I was talking to a co-worker and he said he didn't think it was a happily ever after ending at all. I might have to watch it again. When let's see hows about when I'm ready to start collecting social security. I'll likely write *another* review of it then. Wait when I get there, there won't *be* any social security... oh well.

Why am I writing a review of a movie that is older than myself? More important: Why are you reading it?

So you know...

I haven't stopped making up names for people at work. Remember this classic one?

Well now we have "Lookslikeweirdalfromthebackandtakes-wayyyyy-toomanyhandtowels"

Does the phone company just have rules?

I have phone frustration... doh.