48 hour movie

This movie was made in 48 hours. Totally written shot and cut in that time frame.

It's uh... big.

http://tinyurl.com/8hlu8

Shout outs to Dean Cameron for his performance in this short.

OK shrinking over

I'm back to 5'5". I had a moment in 2002 where I wasn't quite that tall.

I've gotten better. I think I've gotten better on quite a few counts. I mean I've dropped 25 lbs. I grew again 1/2 inch, but still. I guess that means my density got better? No it means my volume decreased but I lengthened.

I dunno.

Everything seemed healthy. It was a different Doc. This one has the sense of humor not entirely unlike that of a door knob in that a door knob is funny at times and this guy isn't. Make sense?

He shook my hand and said good morning. I know this guy I thought to myself "end of bed side manner..." Ya I was right. I just tried to make him laugh. It becomes a little challenge. I couldn't get this guy to budge. He never did.

I argued with him about the scientific validity of some tests. (see the link above about a Dr.'s own pleasure). It was a battle. I had my questions about the blood screen for the same thing. I was no match for him.

This guy had statistics. He had numbers. He had a pamphlet. He had the glove.

I uh lost.

Please don't take a picture

So I had a bit of a bad day. I mean work just sucked ass wholesale. Traffic wasn't great and then while cleaning up from dinner I dropped the refried beans tupperware casket (I say that instead of container because it's going to die in there. I know it, you know it, we all know it, but still I persist in saving them. Silly.) when i dropped it it hit on it's bottom (good) the force from the bounce sent the beans flying out (bad) I managed to catch them (good) with my... leg... (bad).

Anyways don't take a photo, k? Cause I already did.

the END of school

The kids are out of school now. They have been for a week. It's kinda crazy during that ending bit. Max had a play he was in (I won't mention the name of the show or his teacher's name in case the play copyright police are reading my blog) He was a scarecrow... um ... er... no... he was a straw man... ya that's it. Damn now you know... fuck...

Before the play there was food. Always good. I like to believe that everybody who is alive likes to eat. Or at least eats even if they disdain it. Anyways we ate. If you were there and and a vegetarian you might have been grumpy. Course you might have been grumpy as a carnivore or an omnivore, but you get my meaning. I mean there wasn't much there that hadn't walked on hooves earlier in time. So yummy. I'm down with it. Then the kids were playing on the playground. Tammy was doing her teacher thing. I sat on the playground with our neighbor and watched the kids play. There is no good seating so we sat on the edge of a 2x16 board that was used to hold in the playchips around the swings. on the edge. We didn't think we'd be there long because fuck there was a play to put on. Uh oh. What's going on?

Softball?

I fucking forgot about that. Softball. Damnation. I don't do that. I don't do well with anything that involves flying spheres. In fact I'd do just about anything other than play sports. So apparently sitting for a long ass time (ass being the operative word) on the edge of a floor joist holding in playchips and having nice conversation with the neighbor is preferable to playing softball.

Um just a little aside: Have you ever touched a softball? I mean who the fuck came up with the word "soft" with this ball. I've touched many balls... (well that didn't sound right coming from a straight suburban PTA ex president did it? ) Lots of them were softer than a not so soft softball. WTF? I mean take a tennis ball for instance (that sounds like an affliction doesn't it? tennis ball... like tennis elblow... I dunno what happened doc they just swelled the fuck up like that) ok that's dirty. In magic (not the fucking card game no no I'd rather play softball) we have sponge balls which sounds like the advance stages of tennis ball right before you go onto the dreaded "foot ball" which is unspeakably uncomfortable to have balls shaped like feet. ah what a fun digression.

Softball. Floor joist... 2x16 up my ass. Are you with me? Good.

Softball ends YAY! and the play is going to start. So I get up. Guess what? My ass hurts. Tami (the neighbor) comments on how uncomfortable her posterior is. (That's nice talk for her ass hurt too) and I replied, "Ya it feels like I've been in prison for months"

Back in the day...

Back in the day apparently is was considered fashionable in Bothell to wear a cocktail napkin as a hat while watching entertainment at the library. Today it's only acceptable if you are over 65. Here we see one woman demonstrating exactly how one might wear a red cocktail napkin as a hat while watching entertainment.

The entertainment was actually quite interesting it was a guy who does human jazz. I think he thinks of jazz as "instrument" jazz and what he does has "human" because he can't play an instrument? Actually to be fair he might be able to play an instrument, I don't know, but he can sing. Check him out at www.humanjazz.com

Bothell turns 100

?and they have cake!

?recursive blog

bathtub entry

?This speaker thing rocks.

monkey

This just in...

I just ate a piece of candy. That's it. Nothing else.

Allright well there is something else for the, "This Just In..." title.

The wrapper had written on it, "You're allowed to do nothing."

What a concept. I hardly ever let myself do that. Nothing. Weird.

I think I should bring this up at a staff meeting. It might go over well with everybody, but maybe my boss. Note to self: "bring up candy wrappen when boss is out of town."

Well fuck people think (know) I'm crazy anyway, right?

FW:dog sitting

?4 dogs

You just had to be there

Are you ever somewhere and you laugh just so hard you're gonna bust?

Ever try to tell someone about it later? nope? good. Don't.

Ever try to blog about it? Moi? apparently I'm not that smart as to avoid blogging about something you just had to be there for.

Actually in reality you did have to be there. So all I'll say is I laughed so hard I about blew a gasket and it involved a slurpee machine (yes it was in a 7-11), 2 officers of the law and later a mention of organic chemistry being very difficult.

See? You just had to be there.

Stinging plants from the pacific NW

Yesterday I went to the park with Sam for a little while and we hunted for a geocache. She wore sandals and that turned out to be not so good for her as this is a 'future' park. At a future park. That means there hasn't been any stopping of the non native stuff from growing nutty everywhere. Our hunt led us into the wooded area and while we didn't have to bushwhack (I'm not sure I've ever bushwhacked, but shit it sounds like fun. Anything that has a big knife involved... mmm mmmm give me some of that.)

She got a bit scratched on the foot and then wouldn't really leave the trails. We didn't find the cache because she didn't want to go back into the woods for the final waypoint. That's ok I have the info I need to pick it up at some point.

So I have this rash now on my arm from my sting... I know I'm not supposed to scratch... I know I'm not... uhhhhh...

All the cool kids are doing it...

Ya well fuck the cool kids. I mean I was a geek and ya we mostly wanted to fuck the cool kids. I being straight wanted to fuck the cool girls. Ya but I was a geek which explains my rather underwhelming success in that arena in highschool.

Wow I digressed before I even started.

Can I have a word with you about... (no it isn't a business opportunity. It's not am-fucking-way.)

PayPal. Yes everybody loves PayPal don't they? Tom makes good sales on there. Fuck even the guy who sold me a new tire for my bike told me to sell my crap tire that was being replaced on eBay he said I might make some serious cash on it. He just got ... It's all about PayPal.

OK so PayPal what the fuck? Let's start with the name. Pay and Pal. OK so what did you pay your pal for? What did he do? Ever notice that all the pals you have a are dudes not chicks? Anyways

PayPal sounds like a male prostitute who dresses in the manner of a clown or a jester. Hi I'm Your PAL... now you PAY your Pal for... ya... no

It's named that way but it acts like a bank. They want to verify me. Fuck you. They want my checking account so they can put money in and take money out directly. Again: FUCK OFF. People worry about giving a credit card # to amazon. Amazon that's a good word. AMAZON it's a strong word. Compare: PayPal... Amazon... I'd much rather give my money to a warrior chick than a dude turning tricks wearing shoes with bells on them. Wouldn't you?

Would you walk into the local branch of PayPal? um NO. When you walk your money into a bank you want it to be strong.

Banks have Tellers ... PayPal has a webform that limits what questions you ask and then counts the characters as you post the question.

Banks have strong names like First United Bank of Security... PayPal... well we've covered that.

Banks have vaults. PayPal has... um nothing.

Most importantly. PayPal is a freaking .com not a bank. What do dot-com's do? They dot-gone is what they do.

So FDIC won't insure PayPal. Check it. They say so right on their site. They even offer the "PayPal Mutual fund" Oh boy give me some of that. Do they hear themselves talking. Do big executives at corporations consider dumping some of their assets in the PayPal Mutual fund... WTF? I mean really.

They say you can get FDIC pass through insurance which sounds like to me, and I'm just trying to read and interpret the legal shit myself and I am so not a lawyer, but it basically ok there is a serious potty humor joke here I'll skip. It means that PayPal doesn't have any FDIC insurance because the FDIC passed on them. As in "I'll pass I don't really like pickled hog's feet, maybe next time." Keep my money in there?

Really? It's Named Pay Pal. PAY PAL.

PayPal? The PayPal mutual fund... holy fucking jezus christ on a cracker. The insurance I have is simple if the bank fails I have FDIC. I don't keep my fucking money in non banks. I really don't give out my damn checking account number to non bank entities that I don't owe money to. FTN (that's "fuck that noise" for people who don't hang out with me)

OK so why the paypal rant? other than the fucking name which in itself is worthy of a good post.

Sometimes I have to use paypal. Why? Because they have filled a need for people who don't have merchant accounts to deal with big ass credit card companies. So when I want to give $30 to the geocahing.com site I have to go through paypal. In fact you can get a subscription. I don't think I did the autorenew. So I got to go where to find out if I did? PayPal of course. Wheee paypal.

I go there and I actually find the payment and the subscription information. Does it say when or if the subscription will autorenew... no it doesn't. Not one way or the other. So then I have to fill out this long ass form with my question. No phone #. NO way. PayPal does it on the cheap. They don't even give you an email address you have to use the damn webform.

Fuckers.

What do I expect? They are named PAY-PAL.

update: I just can't read very well. OK it's not worded really well either. Here is the answer from the FAQ not paypal's but groundspeak's

Renewing: 30.00 U.S. Dollars for each year
Nonrenewing: 30.00 U.S. Dollars for one year

I still don't think PayPal has enough information there and I still thing they have a stupid name.

The answer is no I have to renew again, but this time I don't have to use ... paypal.

Corn and salt

On Friday I needed a snack. I was doing an interview and I absolutely don't want to do an interview hungry. It's not fair to the candidate and I just sit there looking at the clock waiting for lunch. Lunch was going to be an hour late so I needed a snack. I know I could have just said I was hungry, but you wouldn't know why a snack was so god damn urgent.

So I went to see the usual places where there was candy. Nada. I don't normally eat candy that much in the hall, but I had an interview coming up and I needed a snack, OK? shut up.

So onto the machine. I didn't need a snack so bad I was going to walk to the cafe. I mean shit I just wanted some candy or better yet... fritos. There they were A-5 for $ 0.85. Eighty Five CENTS. Pure joy and no MSG. Don't get me fucking started on MSG. Doritos are just right out. (although yes they taste a shit load better)

I've got 3 fivers (for you who are from the UK) and no single and certainly don't have 85 cents in change. So OK I'll deal with the onslaught of quarters. I put old Abe in. What a guy? He freed the slaves and was going to get me my beautiful fritos.

Machine's little motor wouldn't take Abe. Abe was genuine! Machine wouldn't even try.

So I do the thing where you flatten the bill (It was pretty new) I know this was likely not very comfortable for Abe (I think there is a really bad joke about a play there that I'll skip for your sake) but he kept smiling.

The motor whirred... oh yes Abe bye bye... hello FREEEE-TOES

The machine tells me 5.00 ok it knows Abe now. We're all good. So I punch A then 5... A 5 and what happens? Did I get my Freetoos? (OK ya I wouldn't be writing this if I had right?) NOPE.

The fucking machine shot Abe out onto the floor. That's a president you're spitting out there and you know who it is you fucking machine you said 5.00. It has the nerve to say to me with it pretty blue LED's "Have a Nice Day". um what? It would be a nice day if you would give me my fucking snack.

Put Abe back in. Ready for corn chip goodness and the onslaught of quarters. A...5... fuck you. Have a nice day my ass. It shot Abe across the kitchen, like that shit is funny. I hear you laughing... I was hacked.

So this guy who is a co worker and we'll protect his privacy by calling him "not Guy" suggests I go to another floor and try again.

Sweet. Down the stairs and to floor one.

What do I get? Have a nice day. No fucking fritos. Same shit... Takes Abe. Tells me it's a fiver. When I go for the goods it spits it back at me with some serious force.

FUCK OFF machine.

OK poor interview candidate has to deal with me in a cranky state.

On my way back. I talk to another dude, we'll call him "not jitesh". Not Jitesh suggests I try a single instead and then helpfully gives me change for my fiver.

Bye bye Abe. Hello George.

Seems the machine doesn't like presidents at all. Have a nice day.

So now I can use the CHANGE machine. OK people now I have 4 metal Georges in place of just one paper one. What a deal?

4 quarters later I have me some FREEEE TOS in my hot hands. (No ladies, They aren't "hot little hands" at all for the record)

So now I have corn and salt goodness. Let me tell you the ingredients for Fritos are:

Corn, Corn oil (um where did the oil come from?) and SALT.

Some guy presumably named "fri" sat in a room with corn and salt and invented the joy that is known as fritos. He hooked up with a guy name "lay" and now we have chips and snacks of goodness. No preservatives (unless you count the salt) no artificial nothing just corn, corn oil and salt.

You got your fat, your carb and well... salt.

boo ya.

*No presidents or likenesses of them were harmed in the creation of this blog post.

to blog or not to blog

You know I've decided I hate blog entries that are all about apologising for not blogging.

I know I haven't blooged in a while and I almost said I was sorry. um no.

If you were paying for this, then maybe. Maybe I'd send you a refund. Maybe I'd laugh at you for paying for this absolute moronic dribble.

My rule is simple if it amuses me I blog it. Sometimes I'll blog if it annoys me. That's funny because this entry is about something that annoys me and therefore amuses me.

Get it? Well at least you didn't pay for it, huh?

stupid plates

OK so I saw this one yesterday on a high end audi. Don't ask me which one or tell me that they are all "high" end, k?

GOT-SEAN

You think that guy had an ego on him or what?