At the dentist
editor's note: this was stuck in the colon of blogsptipation for a long time... and no I don't have an editor
I saw my dentist today. Well OK I was upside down and had a big ass towel (I don't mean I had a little paper napkin on an aligator clip no this was a god forsaken beach towel on my chest and I'll get to that in a min) on my chest. Don't worry under that was the aligator napkin. Now don't think it's like made from Aligator no no please don't come to my dentist and throw paint around because they are using repitilian napkins, K? OK I don't really see her because she's seeing me I'm in a rather precarious position upside down with the towel and she looks at my teeth. then she talks to me again I'm still upside down but at least there isn't anything in my mouth (other than the 3 tons of metal that make up my braces a few rubber bands and a small servant boy from Guatamala who does maintence on my braces when my teeth stop hurting. If they aren't hurting they aren't moving. OK people just a reminder what braces do is DRAG YOUR TOOTH THROUGH your bone. Not over, no. Around? nope. through. OK I'm whining, but just deal. You can always click to another blog so stop complaining, k?
So what I wanted to talk to you about was not the dentist. No. It's not the towel or the biting reptiles no siree bob. We need to talk about how your life will improve with Amway. um sorry wrong blog. Thats whole 'nother thing entirely.
They have a new tool. Yes they have dental trade shows I'm sure and at the last one they introduced a new tool. It's some kinda mutherfucking ultrasonic water shooting teeth cleaner. (Everything they have in that place has something to do with teeth talk about obesssive dentists... jeeezus) OK let's talk here for a second about what ultasonic means. It breaks down nicely into ULTRA which no is not derivided from latin "to overcharge for no reason" no it means above. Sonic being what I can hear. Um this thing makes NOISE. I can hear it. I'm not a dog. I shouldn't be able to hear into the ultra sonic range. I should not. Oh boy can I hear this thing. So at the convention when they introduced it as ultra sonic I know some fucktard dentist (not mine they are really cool) goes, "Ya ok so can we add a really high pitch sound to it to maintian the proper level of discomfort for the patient?" And he got a resounding "HELL YES" from the biker dentists (They are a special interest group of the ADA its the HADA Hell's Angles Dental Association they specialize in restorative dental work after a really serious punch) so that scared the shit out of the ultra sonic water spitting teeth cleaning device people so they added back in that really terrible drill sound.
The best part is all you can say when they have that thing in your mouth is "OW" have you noticied that you can, no matter how many things they have in your mouth you can still get the word, "OW" out.
OK so my teeth hurt that's the bottom line. See this is the bottom line. Right ere...
no wait this is the bottom line ya...
I saw my dentist today. Well OK I was upside down and had a big ass towel (I don't mean I had a little paper napkin on an aligator clip no this was a god forsaken beach towel on my chest and I'll get to that in a min) on my chest. Don't worry under that was the aligator napkin. Now don't think it's like made from Aligator no no please don't come to my dentist and throw paint around because they are using repitilian napkins, K? OK I don't really see her because she's seeing me I'm in a rather precarious position upside down with the towel and she looks at my teeth. then she talks to me again I'm still upside down but at least there isn't anything in my mouth (other than the 3 tons of metal that make up my braces a few rubber bands and a small servant boy from Guatamala who does maintence on my braces when my teeth stop hurting. If they aren't hurting they aren't moving. OK people just a reminder what braces do is DRAG YOUR TOOTH THROUGH your bone. Not over, no. Around? nope. through. OK I'm whining, but just deal. You can always click to another blog so stop complaining, k?
So what I wanted to talk to you about was not the dentist. No. It's not the towel or the biting reptiles no siree bob. We need to talk about how your life will improve with Amway. um sorry wrong blog. Thats whole 'nother thing entirely.
They have a new tool. Yes they have dental trade shows I'm sure and at the last one they introduced a new tool. It's some kinda mutherfucking ultrasonic water shooting teeth cleaner. (Everything they have in that place has something to do with teeth talk about obesssive dentists... jeeezus) OK let's talk here for a second about what ultasonic means. It breaks down nicely into ULTRA which no is not derivided from latin "to overcharge for no reason" no it means above. Sonic being what I can hear. Um this thing makes NOISE. I can hear it. I'm not a dog. I shouldn't be able to hear into the ultra sonic range. I should not. Oh boy can I hear this thing. So at the convention when they introduced it as ultra sonic I know some fucktard dentist (not mine they are really cool) goes, "Ya ok so can we add a really high pitch sound to it to maintian the proper level of discomfort for the patient?" And he got a resounding "HELL YES" from the biker dentists (They are a special interest group of the ADA its the HADA Hell's Angles Dental Association they specialize in restorative dental work after a really serious punch) so that scared the shit out of the ultra sonic water spitting teeth cleaning device people so they added back in that really terrible drill sound.
The best part is all you can say when they have that thing in your mouth is "OW" have you noticied that you can, no matter how many things they have in your mouth you can still get the word, "OW" out.
OK so my teeth hurt that's the bottom line. See this is the bottom line. Right ere...
no wait this is the bottom line ya...
posted by J.R. at 10:58 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home