Look!

What do we have? What do we have? We have one heavily armed recreational vehicle!

Also we have a side blog made from a combination of feedburner and bluedot

One of those mornings

Dog shit everywhere. Carpet cleaning guy. Kids being kids. Me trying not to yell at them. Dogs being dogs. Me trying unsuccessfully not to yell at the dogs...

Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up? You're getting your wishes!

I liked my dreams better.

I um did it.

You know what I mean.

You're looking at it... It was a huge leap...

Geocaching run

Yesterday we did 10 for 12. I think we can pick up the other two easily. I got some nice mail from one of my DNF's giving me some clearer instuctions around the obstructions that looked very recent. We did some Cache-in-trash out. I picked up a travel bug. Didn't eat at all good for me, but hey. Good times.

Update: I must be getting old. Oh yeah I am. I blogged this last night... doh!

Geoday

We kicked ass with the geocaching today. 10 found... Look for my stats to update soon... Shout outs to Teauge for phone/internet support and to Mr. Bander because as you know: David Bander thinks it's funny!

Irritation

You know another thing that pisses me off? I know the list is long and distinguished, but still. Is when someone sends me something I don't need and then asks me for money. Of course I could boil this down just to the asking for money part, but it would miss my point. I'm talking about charities that send out stickers with my name and address on them. Like I don't know where I live, I need stickers to remind me? I kinda get the feeling they are actually going, "Easter Seals! We know where you live!"

Or they call me loyal supporter. I'm not loyal I'm fickle and right now we're on the fuck you side of the clock so no you aren't getting any money. I give in other ways. I don't give at the door and I don't give when you call me. I didn't give at the office (we got security for that) and I'm not giving out of my car window. I know I know. I should give some back. I do. I will now participate in the work run official drive for charity thing. I'm avoiding calling it what it is because while I don't conceal where I work,(OK, I just did.) I don't want to do anything that would be career limiting. Such as referring to other CLM's I've seen recently. Or linking to them for that matter. OK, shut it! I did nothing of the sort.

So yeah that's my story and I'm sticking to it. I like caller ID a shit ton. Why cause I can see "support services" coming a mile off and just let those mutherfuckers go. Also when they call the house like that, how much dough actually gets in the right pan? I ask you?

OK so don't send me stickers, K?

I'm Serious this time!

Tonight I'm going to return to a basic template for this blog. Something in a black. Black is so slimming. Then I'm going muck with it. I have some features I've been intending to add and now I think I'm ready to take the plunge.

Wish me luck?

Oh so if you can't read this, that's why.

It's not even father's day!

Company picnic today

And I'm going all out geek-a-fied. Are you scared?

You should be.

Lost and Found

It just so happens that today is my ex-grandmother's funereal. I am not there. I didn't think this was going to be hard for me, but it is. When she took ill I wanted to come out and visit, but that wasn't possible. That was how I phrased it to the kids at the time. This isn't about why.

All of my grand parents had died before I was in 6th grade. I know this because that was when I moved to Cincinnati and my father's mother had died before that. She had been the last. The craziest for sure, but also the last. If you know me ask me how crazy. Well she bought an AMC Gremlin new. Crazy enough? I'm sure she paid sticker.

When I started dating my now ex-wife, it was very interesting to me to be exposed to even her great grandmother. Grandma B. I enjoyed doing card tricks for her, but she did have problems remember her card was the nine of diamonds. (I started always having her pick the 9D after a while, because it did make it easier to remember.) Her daughter, my ex-wife's grandmother (Grandma P), (I know I need to provide a program with numbers.) was so full of life. She cooked for us every Sunday. She was funny and always was delighted to see me. We enjoyed being there a lot. I don't mean to paint a silly Norman Rockwell painting of it. There were disagreements and pissyness, of course. It's a family.

When we were really poor, Grandma P. wouldn't let any left overs go to anybody but my ex and I. We lived in Columbus at the time and I was still in school. Our usual dinner time included a box that had the word, "Kraft" or "Chef-boy-ar-dee" (ok I got no idea how to spell that). Grandma P. always made sure we went home with tupperware full of food. Beef stew and dumplings. Never any MSG. When we came and stayed at their house she always made the basement up for us. She loved her computer and every time I was over I was doing this or that with genealogy or her address book. She did an entire cook book for her church on it. She had a particular pleasant smell. She always wore a silver dollar on a chain. 1922 the year of her birth. They are beautiful. They are called peace dollars.

I did the best magic show of my whole life for them and 20 of their closest friends, before Grandpa died. He was already on O2, but was still pretty mobile. I have to say this was a full team effort. It was at Bennigan's and Tammy and I worked together on it. Max even did a little act. He's such a trooper. He was sick, and everybody told him he didn't have to do it. But he still pulled that rabbit out of that box for all those seniors. I have to say it was a good show. The average age being well over 60 made my life easy as far as sleight of hand goes.

I've been cleaning a lot. A while back my ex had asked me for the quilt we used to have on our bed that Grandma had made. Did I mention she was always either taking one really long piece of yarn and turning it into a monster blanket with the latest stitch or she was hand quilting a queen size blanket for somebody? I couldn't find it for the longest time. Today at the bottom of the last closet when I moved some stuff for donation there it was.

Today of all days. I found it right when they were putting her into her spot in the fashionable wall next to Jack. Some would give this is a sign. Some would say something akin to, "It was meant to be." For me it's just a sad coincidence, but it hurts just the same.

In memory of Audrey P. 1922-2006: The only grandmother I really knew.

Kiss my butt...er goodbye

So I did the physical yesterday. I know you're expecting to hear something along the lines of a prostate. No sir. This particular doctor doesn't do that til your 40. That mean I have a couple of years to find a Dr. Who does it at 41. Er higher. Either that or find a small woman Dr. with very tiny fingers. Very tiny.

BP is great. Pulse is awesome. Weight is down. So I got my lab results. Good news: Not going to die. Well anytime soon anyways. Cholesterol is a bit higher than before. Excuse me? Did you rub my lamp? I lost weight, bitches. LOST. Not gained. It was fucking higher. Now my dad's is high. Thank you, mutherfucking DNA. No offense, dad. Max busts my chops all the time for missing adult teeth, so it's not personal.

Higher? How do you like them apples? So I'm like WTF? (What the FUCK?) Then I went for a snack. What did I go for? Saltines. OK fine they are just fine. Slap some butter on them... Oh fuck. Whooop there it is. I have to cut butter. (No not cheese, please I'm above that.) I have to lose the butter. God dammit. I *like* butter. It's my favorite way to take in salt!

I say it again.

The iTunes music store is just great because I can buy shit in the middle of the night when I can't sleep that nobody has to know I got stuck in my head and just had to hear...

Beyond Cool...

So I've been using google talk a little bit as of late and the way they handle emoticons is just fucking brilliant. Can I say?

Here is a cheat sheet for most of them. Yes I have it from a google insider that there are more. If you know of others just leave a comment here?

Cheat sheet for: TalkiCons That's Talk-i-Cons with a short i sound. Like rhymes with Chaka Khan... OK I laughed. Blog post over.

There should be a treaty

OK so as per usual I was going to the bathroom. You know like you do. Don't deny it. I'm in there standing at the ya know. Someone is talking. First off, Don't do that. I don't see anyone so Second this talking is coming from the stall. Is there cross stall talking going on? Um no. 2 doors open, one door closed lead me to the inescapable conclusion that this is not cross stall talk. Again, don't do that!

So then I hear the cell phone talking back to him. Oh sweet mother of, god dude is having a cell phone conversation from where he's sitting. (Feel free to insert the proper 'h' in that last word of that last sentence. I know I did.)

This should not be allowed. The cell companies should have some sort of porcelain detection system that prevents any type of conversation. OK fine text if you must, email if you desire, but oh my god shut the fuck up in the stall, OK? We're trying to pee out here.

Does this look infected?

oh man

I just dropped my phone in the fucking dog's water. I thought it was all good and I dried it out, but now it's dead. God-fucking-dammit.

Update: Phone is working this morning, but not all the buttons respond all the time...

We're born again. The sun came out today.

It's been a long time since I've taken real photographs. I've shot some art, but today I loaded up my camera with some illford delta 100 and pushed the shit out to 200 just for the grain and went outside. I guess I better hook up my scanner to my monster PC, huh? It's not like I can burn CD's with it...

Mandatory Movie Review

I went to Pirates this morning at 10:00am. Yes people I was up anyways. I don't know what is up with my new super natural lack of tired. I actually bought the tickets er ticket last night.

I'm not actually going to review it. That information might actually be useful to you and as you are aware: I don't do that.

I took my briefcase to the movies. It only cost me $5.00 for me and nothing for my briefcase. Apparently at AMC one carry on is gratis. I felt kinda pathetic with my briefcase as a companion, but shit what are you gonna do?

I will say that the medium cherry coke was nothing short of gigantic and my briefcase didn't drink it's share of it. MEDIUM. Not large people. MEDIUM. Even Mickey-D's has ditched the supersize. Alas I bitch about stuff that has been over bitched about already.

Sorry to disappoint: not cryptic, not grammatically correct, and certainly not funny.

Is it wrong?

Is it wrong to keep punching gmail's "report spam" button on your mother?

I ask you.

Today

Is a plastic shoe day.

That is all.

Multiple Choice

What bizarre thing did J.R. do recently?

a. Listen to Eminem while doing sudoku in the bathtub.
b. Have teriyaki salmon with an 11 year old wearing a Viking hat.
c. Calm down a little black dog named (not making this up) Blackford. (And no I didn't name him.)
d. Fall asleep to pink floyd without being stoned.
e. All of the above.

Photo shoot...

It's always good to be the assistant not the photographer. You get to have all the fun of the lights and shit, but in the end it's not your ass. Sometimes you get paid, sometimes you get fried rice.

Fried rice is better. Last night I had fried rice doing a shoot for a band. They were a young rock band who needed images for a CD cover. They were all very nice and very very young. I'm not sure either of them knew how to tie a tie. Yes I am that old. In fact the photographer asked me after I tied the tie, "J.R. are you feeling cranky?"

I responded with, "No just old." I did get the fucking tie tied. Can I also say I called it on the suspenders. I used the simple key phrase, "there is no fucking way on god's green god damn earth that those suspenders are going to work." The other guy in the band just nodded at me and we let them try on the suspenders. At some point I did get a touch cranky so I started counting down minutes to an arbitrary time to start shooting. It worked. Did I mention they were young? They got their shit together and out on the set. No suspenders.

The shoot went really well. I metered like a mad man. Constantly popping the flash. Checking my neopets on my phone, and metering some more. It was key to make sure they weren't just blown out. They wanted harsh so they were looking right at the flashes. Not at all softened.

The photographer was great. I had a lot of fun working with her, and I'm sure I was a huge help. Thai friend rice was good too.

Woke up this morning everything I had was gone.

I'd like to say that the quote from the song I'm referring to isn't actually descriptive of my life. I have plenty of things too numerous to list here in fact, although sometimes I try.

I love this (loved?) this weird little patch of land near my house known as "future park" in fact I've taken photos of the kids and dogs there and posted them on this very blog. If I were not in fact super duper lazy, I would search them out and link them for you. Alas.

This morning I can round the corner and got a little clue about how much of it was future park and how much of it was future suburban McMansions. 3/4 to the developers 1/4 to the park. It was a jaw dropper. That's all I'm saying. I mean I live in a house. Some have even called it a McMansion, but it isn't quite. I can't complain I know my house sits on what used to be woods. And it's even made of wood. So I can just shut my pie hole.

The fact is I have tons to be thankful for. I won't list them here. Tons.

My mamma didn't say...

This is a flashback of sorts. I've been struggling with the kids to get their rooms cleaned. I tried all the corporate management tricks in the book. I tried shared vision. I've tried to synergize with them. I've tried next action orientation. They so were not buying.

So finally I tapped my memory. What would get me to clean up my room as a child?

I seriously thought about that. The answer? Nothing. Not a god damn mutherfucking thing. This stumped me for a while. Then I asked myself what would happen just prior to my room being clean?

My mom would come in and throw a bunch of shit away.

Simple? Yes. Was I rat bastard about it? Yes I was. I'm sure she was throwing shit away when I wasn't looking. I would lay there sulking the whole time, but would be so happy when I clean room. So I did it. I went into Max's room and I threw a bunch of shit away. I made no excuses and did not require him to do much. Sam pitched in too. (We're doing her room next.)

Did he cry? No he's 11.
Was he pissed? Oddly enough, no.
He was very grateful. He kept thanking me.

So I said to him, "When you are 37 and throwing shit away in your kid's room, I want you to call me and thank me then." (Yes I said shit. They know that one. Somehow curse words make chores a little easier. A spoon full of profanity helps the medicine go down.) He protested that he isn't going to have kids. I said, "Yeah whatever. You call me when you're 37 in your kid's room throwing shit away."

Then it dawned on me.

I called my mom.

Just a stone's throw.

You know sometimes you are just tooling down the road at one with everything.

I've just got it going on. I have mad laundry skills. Someone called me "detail oriented" today.

My beetle is clean and smells real nice. Vanilla if you will.

My house is getting cleaner all the time. Except when the children are in it, then it's kinda an uphill battle, but that goes with the turf.

What seems far is near. Just a stone's throw.

I'm turning my face up to whatever comes my way.

Again I am cryptic. Deal.

Tic Tac Bold

Those of you who knew me "pre-braces" will understand my return to the world of tic tacs is a monumental occasion.

I return with a review of the new tic tac bolds.

Um ick.

That is all.

You want cryptic?

AA AB AD AE AG AH AI AL AM AN AR AS AT AW AX AY BA BE BI BO
BY DE DO ED EF EH EL EM EN ER ES ET EX FA GO HA HE HI HM HO
ID IF IN IS IT JO KA LA LI LO MA ME MI MM MO MU MY NA NE NO
NU OD OE OF OH OM ON OP OR OS OW OX OY PA PE PI RE SH SI SO
TA TI TO UH UM UN UP US UT WE WO XI XU YA YE YO

OK Cranky

Was that a pound of fries? NO.

Was it even fries? NO. They were curly.

Did they have MSG? yes.

Did I eat them? no.

Was I cranky anyways? yes.

Geocaching

We went geocaching yesterday around Snoqualmie falls. It was mad fun. You know what I'm talking about? Pop corn chicken, biscuits, water falls, mashed potatoes, and geocaching fun.

We did decide to say, "F the microcaches!"

We found 2 and DNF'd one micro. We like the box. We like the toys. We do not like that DNF, Sam I am.

Yet Another Fine Sunset

I spent the evening, day before yesterday walking on Alki. The sunset was, as always beautiful. The coolest thing was a guy talking on his cell phone. OK, it could have been his friend's cell phone I wouldn't know. Talking on the cell, riding the skateboard and being pulled by a dog with a rather low center of gravity. It wasn't like a basset hound or anything but it was long and low. Best part? I saw him coming and going and he was still on the cell... I hope he wasn't using his friend's minutes.