I can't believe it's not toast
i bought me a toaster
from Oester
Sounds like the start of a very dirty limerick, doesn't it?
I got this new toaster because the old one failed. I don't mean it failed to toast. Oh it toasted all right. It failed because it stopped popping. So a nice dark setting of 9 went straight to super black and on fire and the light setting of 1 went straight to super black and on fire. You can see my dilemma. I don't like my toast in the ghost rider state. Flaming. OK so only 1/2 of my 4 slotted toaster failed the other 2 slots were still working. This lowered the priority of the task because jesus H christ (jury is still out on the H) I could still make toast. Yes that other side of two slots could have failed the same way with the kids "cooking" and that would have been a disaster so slightly higher priority.
It's a 20 questions toaster. This toaster wants to know what I'm toasting. Is it a bagel? no. Is it Toast? no. Is it frozen? no. Have you seen that cheap electronic game called 20 questions? You think of an object and the thing asks you yes or no questions and it figures out what you are thinking of. It's surprisingly good. I tried my son's out this morning and the eventual output was, "It's a god damn jesus h christ english fucking muffin if you must know and I want it a dark shade of brown and not at all black."
There isn't a button for that on the toaster. I lied (surprise) it's not 20 questions it's just three. I didn't want to pay for the 20 question model and consumer reports rated this cheaper one higher.
from Oester
Sounds like the start of a very dirty limerick, doesn't it?
I got this new toaster because the old one failed. I don't mean it failed to toast. Oh it toasted all right. It failed because it stopped popping. So a nice dark setting of 9 went straight to super black and on fire and the light setting of 1 went straight to super black and on fire. You can see my dilemma. I don't like my toast in the ghost rider state. Flaming. OK so only 1/2 of my 4 slotted toaster failed the other 2 slots were still working. This lowered the priority of the task because jesus H christ (jury is still out on the H) I could still make toast. Yes that other side of two slots could have failed the same way with the kids "cooking" and that would have been a disaster so slightly higher priority.
It's a 20 questions toaster. This toaster wants to know what I'm toasting. Is it a bagel? no. Is it Toast? no. Is it frozen? no. Have you seen that cheap electronic game called 20 questions? You think of an object and the thing asks you yes or no questions and it figures out what you are thinking of. It's surprisingly good. I tried my son's out this morning and the eventual output was, "It's a god damn jesus h christ english fucking muffin if you must know and I want it a dark shade of brown and not at all black."
There isn't a button for that on the toaster. I lied (surprise) it's not 20 questions it's just three. I didn't want to pay for the 20 question model and consumer reports rated this cheaper one higher.
posted by J.R. at 10:23 AM
1 Comments:
All around the country coast to coast,
people always say what do you like most,
I don't wanna brag I don't wanna boast,
I always tell 'em I like toast.
yeah TOAST yeah TOAST
I get up in the mornin' bout six AM,
have a little jelly have a little jam,
take a piece of bread put it in the slot,
push down the lever and the wires gets hot,
I get toast.
yeah TOAST yeah TOAST
now there's no secret to toasting perfection,
there's a dial on the side and you make your selection,
push to the dark or the light and then,
if it pops too soon press down again,
make toast.
yeah TOAST yeah TOAST
when the first caveman drove in from the drags,
didn't know what would go with the bacon and the eggs,
must have been a genius got it in his head,
plug the toaster in the wall,
buy a bag of bread,
make toast.
yeah TOAST yeah TOAST
oui monsieur bonjour coquette,
uh huh croissante, et vous Yvette?
maurice chevalier effeil tower,
oui marie baggette bon soir.
FRENCH TOAST FRENCH TOAST
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