My dearest junk mailers

I'm not talking spam. I'm talking physical junk mail....

Dear Junk Mail Idiots,

I think I can save us both some time and you a little money by answering the following questions for you now:

No I'm not going to give your cause any money I have a few causes that I've already picked out and I give them money even when they don't send me shit, so stop.

No I don't need stickers with my name and address on it. Seriously I pay my bills online now so no need. Also I am able to remember and write my name and address when needed so thanks, but no thanks I'm not going to be guilted into sending you money because I might use your stickers.

I have a mortgage already. Clearly you know that because you even know who it's through. I'm not stupid so stop trying to be my lender trying to give me a new lower payment. You think you're all tricky and shit using the Re: loan and then my god damn address. Obviously you know my address since you sent me this shit in the first place. Just because you try to trick me into calling your 888 number because I believe you are my mortgage company I saved the "fuck you" for you. So ... well... fuck... you.

That's all I have to say about that.