When was that?

You know what would be cool? A device that sits by my bed (no not in my mouth or even on my finger) that tells me when I actually went to sleep the night before. That way I could gauge the crapiness of my day. Was it 1 or 2? I mean I don't know because looking over at the clock is exactly what you don't do when you're trying to fall asleep.

"Damn it's 1:03"
"Oh Damn it's 1:05"
"Shit..."

You get the idea. When I wake up I know when I woke up because either the radio is blasting at my head telling me it's time to get up or I just woke up from a nightmare that included a frog in my bathroom. (Those of you who have read Freud at all have already read to much into this post so stop right now, k?)

Then you look at the clock. Why? because you just woke up. Who doesn't look at the clock?

So then with my new device you could look at the "When I fell asleep"/Clapper device. (I mean cause what couldn't be improved with a clapper? Also do the people who improved the light switch with the original clapper realize they named something after a guy who hangs out at bars and gives unsuspecting partners gonorrhea?) Digression.

So then you just subtract and figure out if you need a double tall or a triple grande when you hit the coffee stand. It should be called ... called... The sleeper... no... The winker... no, although that also sounds like a guy who hangs out at a bar and is almost as creepy. The chlamydia-er no...

Why are none of the other VD's catchy? Um.