Sonic Death Monkey

We're not called Sonic Death Monkey anymore, we are on the verge of being called Kathleen Turner Overdrive, but tonight we're Barry Jive and the Uptown Five...

OK in the book it's a little bit different and they don't jump into, "Let's Get It On."

OK so I read a novel in less than 36 hours. I tried to finish it last night, but I just couldn't quite get through all 300 and some odd pages. I bought it yesterday when I was hanging with Sam and I have to say I enjoyed every minute of it. Maybe I'll read more fiction. Wait I'm ahead of myself.

I recently watched the movie. I blogged about watching it again and I would provide you with a link, but screw it I'm lazy and you can click the freaking history links and yes I'll get more hits that way as you slide through the blog stroking my ego with each and every hyper text link you click. Boo ya.

I wanted to jump Genres and I did. Nick Hornby's High Fidelity. I honestly didn't know that he (and thus it) are (is?) British. So the voice started out as John Cusack in my head and ended up as John Cusack doing a really bad Brit Accent in my head. Lovely. Laura did the same thing.

I wanted to read it because everybody is on about every book made into a movie, "The book is better." So I figured I love the movie, if the book is better then I'll love that too. Right? Yes indeed I was right, mutherfucker. That book rocks. It was like a nicely written out tour of the movie with extra stuff added. Seriously does the shit get any better than that. When they came to the end and Barry announces the new name of the band... (it gets new names several times) Sonic Death Monkey... I laugh out loud. Kinda scare Sam in fact. I wasn't sure how he'd pull it off in writing. He did. I won't go into details. You know behind closed doors and all.

I had a good time. I can say that.

I have to dig out my rubber arm band

I took Sam and the dogs to the park. Let me disclaim that not only did I have MSG at lunch (something that I should and do avoid because it puts me something way beyond a mood.) but I also tore a good chunk of my finger nail off today. (I believe good chunk is the unit of measure to use when there is blood involved. There was some blood. Not much so just barely a good chunk.) It's sunny. Yes I know I fucking live in Seattle it's not s'pose to be. Well it was and it was in the 50's. So everybody and their motherfucking dog showed up at the park. I forgot these are not the days to go to the park. Parking was crazy. I was patient despite the aforementioned MSG and still people were stealing spots. Made me wish I had a big fuck of Rottie instead my crazed aussies. You took my space? Not really. I ended up with a good spot. I almost didn't have to leash them going in, but I like to be a good citizen when it comes to most things including my dogs. Can I just interject that typing with a good chunk of one's fingernail gone and a flex strip (tm) finger bandage in its place still hurts. I'm off course again. I forgot it was amateur day at the park. First nice day of the season and all. Or last maybe if you're aware of the fact that it is still winter. So there was more growling, mounting of other dogs (and I would imagine the unsuspecting human.) and general mayhem. Whatever. It's not the dogs that bug me. I like dogs. I hate people. If dogs are stupid you can just blame the people. People are stupid and you blame who? I'm an Atheist so blaming god is just right out. Like the number 5. So I go to pull out of my good spot and this woman in an outback is just dying to get my spot. To be fair it might be her last run at the park as she looked old enough not to buy green bananas (I don't actually know how old she looked I just like the whole not buying green bananas bit.) but god damn she was gonna get that spot. Didn't seem to matter if she made it impossible for me to get the fuck out of her way. Stupid. So fine. With some gesturing (I didn't quite make a maneuver out of it.) I made it out of that part of the park. Yes it's a big fuck off park.

We went to the kid part. I thought well at least I don't have stupid amateur dog owners. NOOOOO we have stupid fuck off parents. I love the middle age software nerds like myself with little kids who are losing the hair in the front so they compensate by having a sixties (sometimes even grey) ponytail running around chasing little Aubrey or whateverthefuck her name is. Dude I'm a middle aged software geek but at least I know when to get a fucking haircut. Better than that even was the kid swinging with his brother pushing trying to hit this defiant little girl who was just barely out of range. They were seriously trying to kick her face. Nice. I surmised but only a little later the parents of these lovely children were no where around. When they arrived they thought the attempted kicking was funny, but we have to go now so don't tell me just a minute get in the car. Which was I can't make this up responded with the little shit pushing and the little shit swinging, "just a minute."

I hate people. Where is my rubber wrist band? On it enraged it says, "misanthrope."

It's very quiet

In the house. All I hear are disk drives. No kids. No dogs. Just quiet.

Sorry if I worried anyone.

The source of my stress is that my next door neighbor lost her battle with lymphoma this morning. I knew it was coming. She's no longer suffering and her family is doing well considering. She was a fighter and a strong woman. She will be missed.

I think it's reasonable

I think that it's reasonable to resort to McDonalds in times of stress.

Subliminal or not...

No spoon left behind?

OK I know how I can break a plate. They smash on the floor boo hoo you throw the pieces away and go back to Ikea and get another one. I'm missing a spoon. How does that happen? I mean I know it didn't go down the garbage disposal. That I can tell you first hand makes one hell-uv-a noise. So where the fuck is my spoon. It's a little one so I'm guessing one or both of the kids made off with it. What would they do with one spoon? You can't even kill anyone with a spoon. A fork, well if you're Martin Blank for sure, but a spoon?

I guess the dish ran away with it. Doh.

No dish left behind

Tonight I exercised the no dish left behind policy. This is where I'll run the dishwasher on a small load just to catch up everything. There is something nice about them all being clean. Now if I could get the kid's clothes that way too... not a chance.

The kitchen? 100%

It's all about perspective...

I got myself a good dose of perspective last night. Nothing like some good perspective to make you feel good in the morning and to realize just how much you have going on for you.

Perspective: it does a body good.

crazy puppet magic

Styrofoam ball: $2.99
3 dowels: $.99 each
1 kids tshirt: 5.99

Max's crazy Aristotle puppet... priceless.

I might just publish a photo tomorrow when the glue dries.

I might not.

Over the weather

If you aren't under the weather you must be over it. I was a bit under it yesterday, but today I seem to be over the weather.

All shaved showered and ready to face the day...

Number 9...

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sudoku. I should stop.

Late night at the movies

I stayed up. I guess you can see that from the date on the post. I watched first Grosse Pointe Blank and then High Fidelity right after. One thing I noticed was how similar the characters are. OK that's pretty much the only thing I noticed except for the fact that I really do know every word in High Fidelity.

Also Ruby Red Squirt is really really good late night.

Get What? Get back.

Curse of the Golden Flower

Ok so I went and saw the Curse of the Golden Flower and can I just say that china in the late 600's can really put on a fucking war. (There are no spoilers because one can not spoil what one doesn't understand.)

I'm talking color coordinated silver guys vs. the gold guys not to mention the ninja mutherfuckers thrown in with the ropes and the curved blades flying all over the fucking place. It was visually stunning. Also the boobs. Lots of boobs. Not in the stripper sense mind you. In the dignified and oh man China had some kinda corset back in the 600's... seriously? That doesn't spoil anything, does it? Nope...

Little Miss Sunshine

I finally saw Little Miss Sunshine tonight. If you haven't seen it yet then stop reading. Seriously.

OK now that they are gone. Sweet mother of god I cried I laughed so hard. If for nothing else the horn. The god damn horn. Oh I would have fallen off the couch. If I had a couch. The whole time I knew the number was going to be something interesting. Holy shit. That was fucking funny.

retainer

OK just so you know if you slack off and don't wear your retainer for like a week. Your situation... for you... will be concurrently... fucked up. Why? Not because it hurts going on. You knew that going in, but because when you take that mutherfucker off it will hurt like when it went on.

So the moral of the story is never ever get braces. Wait ... no... er... ya that's the truth.

Sushi Take... I dunno 11

So I tried sushi again tonight. I didn't get anything with fish in it or crab... or cheese... or anything really. It had cucumber. It was cleverly called a cucumber roll. I mixed the wasabi and soy together in the lid. (Take out doesn't give you those cool little bowls.) I ate with the chop sticks like ya do. It was ok. Maybe because it didn't have cheese (philly roll) or crab & avacado (I love Avacado.) or mayo or anything else, but rice and cucumber. Well it tasted like cucumber and rice and the roll thing. Yes I know it's sea weed, thank you.

Survey says? It's was ok. I think I'll go with the spring roll next time at least that vege monstrosity is FRIED, baby!

I like the new blogger

Yes I was afraid to switch, but the new spell checker not only does it inline like gmail (rocks) but also knows words like mutherfucker which by the way it spells: motherfucker. I like the 'u' but that's just me...

Go on switch to the new blogger. You know you want to. Next up? yet another template overhaul with much better archives! Sometime... or another. Yeah I'm scared of that.

I've named a new parking space...

It's called, "anti-prime." To put that into context "prime" is the spot that when you pull through is not only right by the elevator, but it's ready to pull you out quickly into traffic.

Anti-prime is as far away from the elevator and still be in the garage at all. There is no pull through on it, but I guess you could back in, but that would be stooopid.

What with the weather I think more people are just leaving cars at work because the parking situation is getting worse and worse. It's like there is a secret army working on the 3rd floor and they brought two cars, a bike, and a motorscooter.

I should talk! I have two cars. But I only ever bring one to work.

for the record

I deleted a very whiny post. So you know.

New Glasses

woke up this morning...

Sometimes being a dog owner is so not fun. I'll spare you the details, but waking up to an odor, any odor, can not be good.

Aren't you glad I didn't post a photo? And you thought the craze 3 eyed two mouthed snowman was bad.

Picasso & Sam got together...

And they made a snowman.

And I was looking forward to a lazy day.

Pipes? frozen.
Water? nope.
Me? Management restuctured and now I'm fucked again.

Keep up with this post as I'll add updates with my pipe situation.

Update 1: we have drips! That's not good when you're talking about your private parts, but in this case it is welcome fluid. shit

Update 2: same time I didn't get a chance to publish. Water is running, but dirty.

Update 3: crisis averted. The water is hot and wet. That's great when you're with a woman, but not so good in the jungle.

Update 4: shout outs to Jeff in Vegas for mission support.

How'd we do?

Well I tell you how we did. I got me a copy of Geek Monthly Magazine. Yes, Virginia, it's a bimonthly, but you too can deal just as I did.

I did not eat frozen pizza. I ate chicken teriyaki instead. Ran into Megan and William which was great. They liked the bimonthly monthly as well.

Did some other stuff which did include video games, and other gut wrenching soul searching activities.

I almost didn't watch my movie. But in my robe on the luv sac, I enjoyed The Big Lebowsky. It finished at 11:59. Phew made that deadline, huh?

You know what? The dude abides.

Ibid, your honor.

Looking out my front door.

Agenda for today?

It snowed. Was it a blizzard? nope. Is it enough to fuck up the roads? Yes it is if even just a little bit.

So with no kids in the house what is the plan?

Go out? nope.

Play video games, eat frozen pizza and watch The Big Lebowsky? As a rather one dimensional character from a movie I love, but won't admit the title said: yes yes yes yes yes.

So if you need me, you know how to reach me. Unless you don't.

Infinity? I dunno.

I read the book, How the Universe Got Its Spots. I wasn't feeling like reading anything sad so I thought some physics in the form of a booked up blog (my word not hers. The entries are written more like letters.) seemed like a good idea.

Obligatory review: Well I won't spoil anything, but when you read about somebody's life it's reading about somebody's life. It's real. Life? real. She had the nerve not to cut the sad parts. She didn't go into detail but you get a feel for what she's like. So I was looking to avoid sad fiction and I got sad real. I think that's out of the frying pan and onto the white gas hiking stove burner? (I really burned myself on one of those once, I'm still healing apparently.)

Also: While I don't know enough about physics to decide if she's right or not. To be fair she doesn't know either. It's certainly a very interesting read. I mostly enjoyed the beginner's look at topology.

Shout outs

Shout outs to both Mo and Scott getting my blog back online. Also to the peeps in the google back office connecting the wires. Kinda like Mrs. Harriet Oleson did on Little House on the Parairie. I wonder if they are listening just like she did... Why yes... Yes they are. Oop and the Olesons have installed a super double bajillion terabyte server in the back... I wonder what that's for... hmmm. I kid.

Well here we are...

On the other side. Is this thing on?

It might be time

To take the plunge and move to the new blogger...

Let's give it a whirl, shall we?

What if?

What if on your drive to work you were allotted one missile. Just one. You could use it on any car you wanted. It wouldn't be so powerful that it would hurt anybody, but it would really fuck up the paint job on some sweet import.

You just get one a day. Would you save your missile or use it before you even got on the highway?

What if there was a heads up display that gave each driver's "feedback" rating as they went by. You know like on eBay? Don't drive near me as 89% percent of drivers near me think I'm an ass monkey. It would show up on your windshield as you cruise on the highway and when you get positive/negative feedback your car makes a little noise. So no more need to honk you can just point (with your eyes of course) and say, "bastard" and the voice reco software picks up on that and gives them a ding. Maybe it even says "bastard" in a nice clear sexy navigation voice as you tool down the road. You know the hot babe that is constantly saying, "Make a legal U turn, dumbass." She'd say something like, "The driver behind you wants you to know you are in fact a prick."

Same goes for thank you's and the wave as you let someone in. Boosts your rating. a lot of people would be concerned that they keep a good rating. So maybe they would be more polite. It would quickly point out the sheep on I-5 as I have to cross it to get to the Seattle exits.

The driver ahead of you says, "sukkka!"

Phil Plait?

We went to see Phil Plait, the bad astronomy blogger, speak last night. I saw him. He didn't make it to actually present. He became ill at some point. I guess it was all the "metronaturalness" around the sound.

Get Well, Phil.

I want a new button.

Yes I want a new button on my phone. I don't care if everyone has them or just me. This button will do something unpleasant on the other end. I don't know what. Something. I just got a call and I didn't have time to check the ID because Jen is asleep and I didn't want it to wake her.

This was some charity. I won't name it. I don't really want any sort of google search of a charity I believe in principal to come to this post. Anyways. They want me to mail out letters from me to 13 (yes a bakers dozen) of my neighbors and friends and all it will cost me is postage.

Um NO.

Or wait... NO.

I could go with... NO.

NO.

I barely got out "not interested" as I hung up. It would be so cool if there was a button way beyond "I just fucking hung up on you, asshole." I hung up on you and your ass face company and this other unpleasant thing happened as well.

I know I haven't worked through the details such as what that unpleasantness would be but I'm sure this is how most brilliant inventions come about.

The desire to create unpleasantness. I mean somebody had to invent tele-donation-letter-writing calls. What premise did they start with. Oh I know. The desire to create unpleasantness. Yeah.

I'm just saying

Here's a little fucking tip. If you're posting on a business related forum. That is not say it's not your nightly perusal of the magic the gathering strategies for having the best "deck" in the gaggle of geeks. I'm also not talking the Eminem means business mutherfucker fan forums that I'm sure are out there. I mean honest to (no) god forums where people talk about real work issues. That's what I'm talking about.

Do not quote lord of the rings especially with respect to attributing one of the characters to yourself. Why? Because, while I think I'm more tolerant than some of the suits out there, even I will stop reading right there.

I'm just saying.

Let's get down to business

OK Happy new year. Some things to note:

1. I take back every single thing I ever said bad about Dick Clark. The man is a saint. We watched about 10 minutes of his new years rockin eve on tape. Not only does the man have a really strong work ethic, he has some brass fucking nads if you ask me. More power to you, Dick Clark.

2. I resolve not to. Not to resolve that is. If a resolution is made in the woods and nobody hears it, will it get done? Um no. If a resolution is blogged and is part of my permanent record, will it get done? It's a short answer test.

3. I love having a kitchen computer with the net on it to share.

4. I got myself a 360. The pinata game looks like serious fun.

5. David Bander has a new blog in the works. His impression of "the ghost recon" guy yesterday made me cry I laughed so hard.

I think I'll go play xbox now. Well that's something I can resolve to do. Not like a often or anything. I resolve to play viva pinata this morning and not go to the orthodontist on Thursday morning at 7:00 because I'm not getting up that early. Fuck That Noise.

That's it from now I'll make weekly resolutions. They work much better than annual ones cause I can usually hang on to something for a week. Maybe there is something to that...