Can I see your license and registration?
So as I'm driving out of my neighborhood a small green car turns in front of me with plenty of room. Fine whatever they do it there all the time. A cop follows closely behind. I'm like well I guess he knows I'm not going to hit him. So all right. Let me get my coke open for my drive. Cop rolls through stop sign one. I laugh. Like you do. I also notice about now as he's rolling through stop sign number two that he's missing 1/2 of one his tail lights. You know that 3rd one in the middle that mulletmen(tm) replace with red flashing skull LED's? Yeah that one. Half of his is out. I laugh again 'cause... well mostly 'cause I haven't had my soda yet and the dog puked and so you gotta laugh at something, right?
They both drive away from well over the speed limit of twenty five miles per hour. (I have read recently of people getting caught breaking laws by confessions right on their blog so...) I, of course, observe all traffic laws. I come to complete and full stops at each stop sign and I proceed at the posted limit of Twenty-five miles per hour along our residential streets. I figure the cop is gonna bust lil' green car and better him than me, right?
So they go around the curve and I think, "Man I should tell that guy about his tail light being out." He's gone right so it's "safe" for me to think this because I won't actually have an opportunity to shove my foot into my mouth as I tell the officer (they don't really like the word "cop" I'm told). So the cop is at the fucking light and the green car is not around. I think, "You let that little piece of shit escort get away? Looooser." no not really. So I come up to him and I think, "Well now you have to tell him the light is out." I carefully weigh the risk and roll down my window and I actually signal the cop to roll down his. Yes I did.
He rolls it down (he's like 14 years old, but I'm guessing from what I've seen on TV that he has a gun. So I keep my foot the fuck away from my mouth.) He looks on his face like "aw crap this guy is gonna make me do some work or something. I'm gonna have to turn around and go look at something or save someone's life or some shit like that." You know the look. It's the look the check out lady at Fred Meyer gives you when she's carefully washing her conveyor belt with Windex and you show up to pay for your hot pockets. Hot pockets.
I go all polite, "You have a tail light out. It's the middle brake light. Half of it."
He nods and says, "The high one?"
I'm all, "Yeah the right half as you're looking at the back of the car."
He goes, "Thanks." I just nod and roll it back up.
He turns left and I go straight. I laugh. I don't know if he laughs or not, but I do. Then I twittered it. Because yeah. Then I think maybe I should have cited him. I mean you know that fucker would have written me a ticket. I've never gotten a warning. Ever. So I'm hoping this karmic moment where I told the cop his tail light was out will lead me to a karmic moment of a warning the next time I'm driving in Lynnwood. Probably not.
They both drive away from well over the speed limit of twenty five miles per hour. (I have read recently of people getting caught breaking laws by confessions right on their blog so...) I, of course, observe all traffic laws. I come to complete and full stops at each stop sign and I proceed at the posted limit of Twenty-five miles per hour along our residential streets. I figure the cop is gonna bust lil' green car and better him than me, right?
So they go around the curve and I think, "Man I should tell that guy about his tail light being out." He's gone right so it's "safe" for me to think this because I won't actually have an opportunity to shove my foot into my mouth as I tell the officer (they don't really like the word "cop" I'm told). So the cop is at the fucking light and the green car is not around. I think, "You let that little piece of shit escort get away? Looooser." no not really. So I come up to him and I think, "Well now you have to tell him the light is out." I carefully weigh the risk and roll down my window and I actually signal the cop to roll down his. Yes I did.
He rolls it down (he's like 14 years old, but I'm guessing from what I've seen on TV that he has a gun. So I keep my foot the fuck away from my mouth.) He looks on his face like "aw crap this guy is gonna make me do some work or something. I'm gonna have to turn around and go look at something or save someone's life or some shit like that." You know the look. It's the look the check out lady at Fred Meyer gives you when she's carefully washing her conveyor belt with Windex and you show up to pay for your hot pockets. Hot pockets.
I go all polite, "You have a tail light out. It's the middle brake light. Half of it."
He nods and says, "The high one?"
I'm all, "Yeah the right half as you're looking at the back of the car."
He goes, "Thanks." I just nod and roll it back up.
He turns left and I go straight. I laugh. I don't know if he laughs or not, but I do. Then I twittered it. Because yeah. Then I think maybe I should have cited him. I mean you know that fucker would have written me a ticket. I've never gotten a warning. Ever. So I'm hoping this karmic moment where I told the cop his tail light was out will lead me to a karmic moment of a warning the next time I'm driving in Lynnwood. Probably not.
posted by J.R. at 9:13 AM
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