When I was a kid...

When I was a kid you had to work at D&D now with fancy ass version 4.0 it's all spelled out for you. No creativity.

We went uphill in the snow... both ways.

OK now get off my lawn.

So much wisdom

So much wisdom can be found in movies. No, I'm not talking about star wars and Yoda. Yes yes I know the next religion founded with have light sabers. Whatever.

I'm talking movies like The Big Lebowsky, "Fuck it dude, lets go bowling."

And Mystery Men, "Not enough beer in the world, Spleen."

Let's not forget When Harry Met Sally, "No you pretty much want to nail them, too."

I don't have a point here. I just love movies.

You can't pick your friend's Apples

So I heard a request for apple picking for today from both Jen and Melanie. So I got up this morning and did a web search. This was not a web perusal, but a web search and hunted for a place that would let us pay them so we could pick their apples for them. Granted we get to keep the apples.

But no. The only place I could find was out past Leavenworth and they required 72 hours notice at a minimum to get with the U-Pick program. They were very serious about the 72 hours. Red, Bold, yes even italic to let me know under no circumstances would there be any spontanious U-Picking in this area. None. Do not call on the day of.

Maybe they hide. Maybe in the comments you'll link to that apple picking place that will let you show up with CASH in hand (oh the spam filters just went off doh.) and pick some apples.

Updated: So Megan told me I could pick apples in their old back yard so I guess the title is not at all correct. Of course then she gave me this link which I had found, but read wrong. So ... This post is patently stupid, but that isn't unlike my other posts.

Finally well

Today was the first day I really felt better. All thanks to modern science.

How about this?

For a band name: The Everlasting Q-Tips

no?

Yeah... I didn't think so.

Pushing the shutter

warning: not my normal post.

I'm interested in taking more photographs and volunteering at the same time. If you know of a nonprofit who has an event coming up or needs portraits of their board of directors or shots for an ad. Whatever. Free. will travel the Seattle area.

Send them my way.

I tried to post a craigslist ad, but the one response I got was not what I was advertising for and I found it to be depressing to read cragslist in the volunteer section.

You can see some of my work here.

Seen in the parking lot...

So yesterday I was going to get us take out and I had secured the food into the beetle which involved a seat belt. Hey there were sauces involved! While maneuvering the parking lot I was on at one of those crazy parking lot intersections where the architects go all fuckititsprivatepropertywe'llshapeitlikewewant on the thing and it's a bit weird. No need to describe it, but I found myself in the right lane approaching a stop sign and the left lane was all backed up and there were two women about 45 approaching to cross.

I live in Seattle so the proper thing to do is to wave pedestrians over til your foot falls asleep on the brake and then finally you snap and make one wait while you go. So I stopped to let them by way short of the stop sign.

They looked over for the wave and before I could wave one punched the other one. OK it was in the arm, but still it was a punch and it looked hard. Then she grabbed the other woman's arm and as if to steady it while she hit and WHAM she did it again. Hard. I mean you tell by her face she had intent with these blows landing on the other woman's upper arm. On the third blow (yes just as hard and with just as much gusto on her face) I could read her lips (Notice this is not a skill I have. Generally I can't do it. I just can't. Mouth something to me? You'll get back, huh?) But she clearly said and with much intensity: "Slug Bug" and again... BAM.

So then they crossed as I rolled down my window a little bit and I said, laughing as I passed, "Did you say, 'Silver'?"

"Ha! Silver" BAM she hit her again! Poor dark haired woman. She has to be bruised today.

My theory? Siblings.

Normally I wouldn't pick up

So it's 8:25 am (that's in the morning) on a saturday and the phone rings. I'm up 'cause I'm crazy and Jen's sleeping 'cause she's not.

I get it as quick as I can to keep from disturbing her.

Me: "hello" (annoyed)
Her: "Mr. Hughson" (pronounced correctly, but I know by the voice it's a telemarketer)

Me: "Do you realize it's eight thirty?"
Her: "yes"
Me: "in the morning?"
Her: "yes"
Me: "on a saturday?"
Her: "yes (no pause) I'm calling from xxx charity and we're calling to thank you-"
Me: cutting her off "Then that will explain this:" Click (actually slam, but I betting all she got was click.)

I think the strategy here is make me want to give you money so I can go back to sleep. Fuck you.

When the dog eats the teacher

So I worked a few hours on an application to be accepted as a stock photographer with photoshelter. Multiple uploads, captioning, and tearing my hair our over the photos. Not to mention steeling myself for the rejection.

They said they would make their decision in 5 business days.

4 Business days I receive this in the email. They closed.

So I don't get the rejection I was expecting, but I didn't really have a shot. Left me feeling like I turned in term paper and the T.A. died in a freak explosion with all the papers and they withdrew us all from the class... Not exactly a do-over either.

Still I feel pretty good about having made my application. I had the stones to ante up and sit down at the table. Granted the table turned to dust as I sat down...

Ah well. It happens. What's next?

Plugging in

Whenever I plug in my laptop which is quite often I sometimes (ok to be fair most of the time. OK FINE it is in fact almost all the time unless otherwise distracted by something else shinier) I think of those little hotwheels sets that had a "gas" station and you plugged your little extra special battery powered hotwheel in and it charged up like getting fuel and then you ran it around the track.

OK to be perfectly clear I never actually had one. I had friends who had them, but I was not so lucky. All my hotwheels required gravity. Lots of gravity. I would have launched those suckers out my 2nd story bedroom window had we lived in a 2 story house, but no.

I do recall using the covetted ones at friends houses and I also recall them not working. Apparently you had to "fuel" them overnight. I guess that's why my laptop died today in a meeting.

Maybe I should try gravity on it? 2nd story gravity?

You know

It doesn't really matter if the guy at Panera can pronounce my name correctly or not, because she can.

Sue drew my name out of the cut open basket ball for a door prize when we went to a bonus meet and greet with the players. Not only did she say the J.R. right she got my last name correctly too. At least I think she did because Jen "Whoooped" kinda loud at us winning a T-shirt, a ladies hat (yeah Jen got that) and no less than a full size giant novelty foam finger (Sam claimed that immediately).

I'm a hypocrite

So we were shoe shopping. Which, guys, you know means following your beloved around saying, "no it's fine, babe, we can look at flats, too." All the while trying not to fall asleep. Whatever. So I see this woman next to Jen just trying on shoes willy nilly. No socks. OK this is the pacific northwest folks, we wear fucking socks with our sandals. OK I don't. I had my sandals on. So I'm so ticked off at her I twitter it.

Then we're headed out and Jen shows me they have new balance's in super wide for the extra double flat fucking foot that I am. I'm all man cool. So I try one on. Oh fuck me now I'm the bitch. How'd that happen. I would be lying if I told you I didn't try to try the footie. I wouldn't be lying if I told you I failed to use the footie, 'cause what the fuck is that thing? No it isn't going on my foot. Fuck you, I'll just buy each and every one I try on. They were good prices.

From there we headed to the book store where I saved a life. You can read about it on Jen's blog here.

The goal is to get from point A to point B without changing the shape of your car!

Today on the highway and in the exit ramp my co workers were especially bad. Also I'm guessing I should get that "check engine" light fixed in my Beetle.

It's badly named. The light came on. "check engine." So I opened up the hood and "yup that's an engine."

It's running fine... stupid car.